I thought everyone knew that already. Isn’t that what they all talk about on their show? Boob jobs and just a little tweak here and there and fillers for important events? Botox parties and shit? People can tell, right? I found it remarkable that she hasn’t dealt with the cellulite, given her entire being appears to…

Or make it happen. Elton John certainly has the dough.

What’s wrong with Sheeran’s reaction?

Yeah, it’s difficult for young celebrities to go away for a bit, no matter how easy it sounds in theory. They have the pressure to produce new material while they’re hot and to do promotion for that material, and I suspect it’s very difficult to distinguish between “not everyone’s going to be your fan - ignore it” and…

Anyone who drunkenly hits Justin Beiber in the face with a golf club is ok in my book.

The lyrics, via Google:

“He was so omnipresent I said, ‘Ed, even I’m sick of you. Go away.’ And he did. He just went to the Far East with his girlfriend, had a great time, put on a lot of weight, ate food and came back. One thing I said to him when he went, I said, ‘Don’t put on weight,’ because he’s very prone to put on weight like I…

I mean, he did something fairly ballsy that probably saved the lives of some kids at possible risk to his own safety (starts at 2:50) in what was clearly supposed to be a generic puff piece for Red Nose that turned out otherwise -

But wasn’t it when they were all staying in the same hotel? I thought she was staying with Ed and then creeped out with the one direction guy.

They’re like bffs, I think Elton signed him to his management company or label or something when he was just starting out. He’s the one who told Sheeran to do the Taylor Swift tour which is when he really became a phenomenon. They played the Grammys together. I think generally speaking, he is an exceptionally close…

I’m impressed by young performers who take to heart the sage advice given by older ones who know whereof they speak. Good on both of them; Elton for sharing his own experience and Ed for actually listening. I imagine Elton would add that the weight part becomes more of an imperative as one gets older and losing it…

Right? Because he is popular and anything that is mainstream must be hated. I’ve never been a pop music fan but I will never understand those who hate artists because others find them enjoyable.

Can Elton John please say the same thing to Trump?

Ed Sheeran seems entirely fine and inoffensive to me. That is the sum total of every take I have ever had on him and I’ve never really understood why people get all up in arms about him.

No, passing on a double yellow is being an asshole. Swerving to intimidate and kill is [attempted (edit)] murder. Asshole is much lower on the scale.

Correct, which is why I’m not pro-death penalty. But when it is proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that somebody has committed an act of pure evil, no, I am not going to cry about them being executed. Take Marcel Williams, for example. “While Errickson was getting gas on her way to work, Williams forced her into his…

No. I don’t. I know where I stand on people who’ve committed heinous crimes, which is that I will not be sad when they’re no longer sharing the same oxygen as I am. It’s not that hard a concept to understand.

When I was in high school I learned that my elementary school music teacher had been murdered.

I’m unsure where I stand on the death penalty. I will say, though, that the crimes committed by some of these individuals are truly horrendous and unspeakable acts of pure evil. And childhood trauma and low IQ or not, I cannot bring myself to feel bad about a monster being executed.

I’m seriously struggling to form a civil response to this, but I’ll keep trying in the hopes this can be a teachable moment.