“Maria doesn’t have any issues with Giuliana. She sees her as a role model. Giuliana doesn’t feel the same way.”

Look at this stupid asshole.

you need content to compete in 2015

Can we talk about how the sound on this fucking show is so low I have no idea what the fuck anyone is ever saying?!?!

No.

i honestly made such a good life choice when i spent two minutes making this on paint

This diet can fuck off to the land of shit i am not gonna do.

(Editor’s Note: If you think she deserved to have her life ruined on account of some weed, do us all a favor and go fuck yourself)

They annoy me only as much as overload of any kind of pictures annoy me. You post a picture every so often of your baby? Great! You post a picture every five minutes? Unfollow! I don’t care enough about anyone’s baby/cat/diet/workout routine/job/etc. to wade through 1000 photos a day.

I’ve always preferred Death of a Cheerleader where Becca from Life Goes On stabs her to death with a cucumber knife and then blames it on the goth kid.

“Remember when they used to just playMother, May I Sleep With Danger? and Golden Girls reruns?”

but also... i love bernie

Hey Jez, good to know your first mention of Sanders is about this, and NOT about how he has and wants to spread equality. You’re so helpful.

YES!!! Here’s hoping they replace it with 19 Guinea Pigs and Counting

I had a spacey friend in high school who had gone to an Italian restaurant and been served bread and olive oil for the first time. She became obsessed with it, and one night we were at another friends house and she came down the stairs eating the very same concoction, or so we thought. Upon entering the kitchen, I…

Once at my cousin’s wedding, after a few beers during the cocktail hour, I made my way over to a bowl of what I thought were Wasabi peanuts. After popping a couple in my mouth, I realized it was a bowl for Olive pits. Awesome. Killed all the germs with copious amounts of alcohol.

Not long after my wife and I got married, I found myself alone in the apartment with no food except for the remains of weeks-old birthday cake. I sat in the dark watching TV and ate it, and was surprised at how moist it still was after all that time. The wife came home from work after a while and turned on the lights,…

I was about 10 years old and was at a friend’s house. He was playing in the basement, and I was upstairs for some reason. I opened the fridge, looking for a snack to sneak. There it was, a jar of vanilla cake frosting, about half-empty! I grabbed a spoon and took a huge bite.

I’m so sick of Kim bitching about how she’s gained weight. Sweetie, you’re a millionaire. You can afford a personal trainer and a nutritionist. And if you really wanna go there, maybe you should consider removing whatever you put in your ass years ago.