Eric Jacobson is her performer now, at least since 2001. Frank Oz’s last performance of her was on The Today Show.

The White House wanted Kelly to go with Sebastian Gorka, but Gelman said he lacked screen presence and some of his jokes didn’t connect with an audience born after 1914.

Mediocre white men are a dime a dozen these days!

Seriously! Even if he weren’t the Living Worst™ (my preferred brand of awful), he’s saturated the fucking airwaves. There are about 10,000,000 better choices than this, up to and including the dump I took this morning. 

I feel like we are at peak-Chris Hardwick; a little too saturated. I say this while acknowledging I like his stuff like The Nerdist podcast.

This guarantees him a show on daytime TV that he doesn’t have to start from scratch when Ripa retires...

avocado is a bit spicy for him, no?

Ryan Seacrest is The Worst™ and is already everywhere. This news gives me a sad.

Where does this madness end? It’s frankly ridiculous to insert asparagus into the story of a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father and can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is…

It’s generally best to avoid all small rural British villages on any High Day or holiday, because places that are over 1500 years old inevitably have weird shit going down.

Someone threw a bunch of little Russian flags into the air and I laughed my ass off.

Um, your friend is very selfish and this is wrong of her. You deserve better than this.

I had a client fake her death once. I guess it wasn’t to anyone but our company, but she went all out.

Yeah, boundary issues have always been a bit of a thing. We’ve been friends since a really young age, so maybe that’s part of it. She used to plan little parties with other friends and tell everyone that I would host in the groupchat so I couldn’t back out without looking like an ass. (I thought I could roll with it…

Yeah it seems like you’re totes in the right here. And if it’s not inconvenient to give her a lift then it shouldn’t be a problem, but when it does become inconvenient (because I think you’re totally deserving of good things happening in your work life) just remember this argument you guys did have. But the easiest…

She just got a smartphone so she has no more excuses now - if she brings it up even one more time I’ll just end the conversation at that, lol.

Yeah she’s not frustrated about being out of work she’s frustrated you’re not making yourself available to her when it’s convenient for her. Even with benefit of the doubt she is still hoping you literally get less chances to make money so she doesn’t have to find another way to get there. It’s time she found her own…

Fuck that, she’s not even being subtle. Have her download a Lyft app.

I got into a fight of sorts with one of my oldest friends last week and I’m STILL mad about it.