I know! For once, something bad happened to Archie that wasn’t his fault and that anyone with two brain cells wouldn’t have seen coming miles away!

I like that they set up the first part of the plan to dismantle Kurtz — the whole “you’re either a cop or you’re out” thing — without the obvious SECOND part — “well, you’re no longer a Serpent so you’re no longer immune, so therefore you’re under arrest for trying to kill Fangs.” Way to drop the ball, guys.

Well, his dad killed a couple kids and an actor and he still gets work, soooo....

Yeah — honestly, I thought that was pretty obvious, so I was confused by Alasdair’s confusion on it. It really seemed like “It’s Valentine’s Day, so we have to go out on a date, but we don’t really want to talk to each other right now because we’re fighting, so we’ll bring the kids as a buffer.”

No, they went to secretly selling booze a while ago. That was in the van Reggie was driving through the woods when the Gargoyles stopped him and stomped him that one time.

Wasn’t there even a fake version of Bumble in S1 or S2?

Given how bad every single adult in Riverdale is at their jobs/families/lives, I imagine Riverdale’s only therapist would probably make Archie into a serial killer.

Which would be awesome.

So, in closing, I agree with you.

This was one surprise — I honestly figured that FP knew about Tallboy even BEFORE he became Sheriff. So it felt a little weird that that was all a REVEAL.

Hahahahahah I KNOW. Betty’s reactions, especially to the “safe space/safe word” joke was all “NICE. NEW FAVORITE PLACE.” In fact, I’m pretty sure when it turned out to be Penelope’s thing, Betty got disappointed in a Grandpa Simpson Bordello Turn-Around.

Yeah, seriously. Hiram’s been absolutely awful to her and her friends (since he’s a grown man who cares SO much about teens), to the point of repeatedly trying to KILL HER BOYFRIEND and SHAKING HER DOWN and as soon as he’s in the hospital she’s all “well, I better help him out!! I miss my Daddykins!”

This episode’s Archie plot:

Archie as Dumb Drunk Guy With Rage Issues: Booo
Josie getting him to go back to being Archie: Yay
Josie saying he should get back into music: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Nooo, Alone Together’s over?  BOO TO THAT.

This one was a little frustrating, though I’m down with the “let’s kill off everybody” vibe of it. But I was sort of “....” where Betty was all “OH NO, YOU WIN! EVEN THOUGH I HAVE A SIGNED AFFIDAVIT AND A LAWYER!” at the end of the ep with Alice.

Every Cheryl Blossom/Toni Topaz plotline is, in no small respect, fan-fiction of itself. We know this because this is where the line “Has anyone ever told you you’re a badass?” turns up.

Indeed. IIRC, most of Japan uses this rule, except Osaka, which will generally pronounce “su” as “su” oddly enough.

Yeah — I knew it wouldn’t be, but I REALLY hoped the character to die was Hiram. Mostly because, well, I don’t get how he’s survived this long, considering all his plans seem.... pretty fucking stupid? (I’ve said before, my own personal headcanon w/r/t Hiram is that the real mobsters in NY haven’t killed his ass yet…

Given the last episode, I think it’d be best if we ALL forgot that ep didn’t exist. Oy, it was bad.

To be fair, Josh WAS being an asshole by taking over the speech after being told at least TWICE not to.

I didn’t hate it as much as you did, but I much prefer real Adam. Thankfully, the cartoon season was just a special thing, and the new Adam is back to live-action.

Seriously, I only know the US comedians on this list, but, uh, if they’re any indication, it’s like, some of the worst standup the world has to offer.