At first when you said Carlson I thought you were referring to Tucker Carlson, and LOLed at Tucker Carlson being Fox's Resident Cool Girl.

THIS HAPPENS TO ME. I have one station (seeded with '90's girl groups) that turns up Gregorian chants / Enigma and one station (seeded with '90's hip hop) that plays "Evenstar" from "Lord of the Rings."

I feel like this one is especially appropriate for this topic:

Look, Stacey Dash, even Stacey Dash thinks you're the worst.

Will do. It was stupid of her to leave her phone on my desk while she ran out to pick up lunch. It's like she was asking for this.

I read the title and I was like, "I bet the invisible boyfriend is a vibrator." And then I read the beginning

This is the dick joke everybody wanted to make and couldn't think of. You are an American hero.

Don't you mean:

Vatican says, "You're much prettier without makeup. ... Wait. You look so tired. Are you sick? Why are your eyelashes so pale? Why are your lips not shiny?"

also dont fuckin promise me a nap you can't deliver

not a hottie, but still somehow valuable, somehow...like SOMEHOW she did it guys. weird, wacky stuff.

Grizzled, and certainly growing that Kelly beard to cover up his plain features, Leo Tolstoy nevertheless knew how to hold a pen and use it.

A fair point.

I have so much love for Joe Biden.

Mitt 'Mittsdemeanor' Romney

I've never won the Internet before!