OK, Billy from The Family Circus.

BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO KIDNAP HER, DAN?!

BURMA!

Then…most TV shows don't exist?

Thanks, I knew it was between me and that Isaac Newton jerk.

Yeah. You can't catch herpes twice, right?

Jack Klugman?

It's a pic of her stuffing her face in the chocolate fountain at Golden Corral.

I thought the writers couldn't think of anything interesting for him to do, so they had him die in that tragic blimp accident at the Super Bowl?

What if she falls off?

WHAT?! MY COMMENTS LOST TO THE AGES?! THIS IS WORSE THAN THE DESTRUCTION OF THE LIBRARY AT ALEXANDRIA!!! I mean, half those comments consisted of expertly crafted fart and/or mom jokes.

TAKE IT, YOU STUPID CHIEF!

Don't talk to me. I work alone.

[BASS INTRO TO "BARNEY MILLER" THEME]

What happened, man? You used to be cool.

They're out to get me!

Prisonwine is on the Twitter, charming us with his hilarious—yet heartwarming—anecdotes about life, love, and abduction.

ElDan? Is that you?

What a country!

You downvote that? Ugh.