I'm excited for the Make Your Own Eunuch booth!

I know. As I see it, I'm no smarter or dumber than most of these celebrities. I'm not sure why I'd listen to these people when I can have a somewhat active debate with AV Club members.

This one doesn't have Keanu Reeves in it, so it may be an improvement.

Unfunny is the new brunch.

Is that how they always dress? Those pastels reek of Golden Girls and late-'80s Facts of Life.

Could you co-sign my loan application?

Spies' eyes.

I'm gonna guess the Shroud of Turin guy.

There's a historian in you? Lucky. I've got an inner proctologist.

Ian Ziering is Amelia Earhart.

That Abe Lincoln is a taaaaall drink of water.

My photos are never blurry, but my pubes oddly enough always look out of focus.

That she ran off on a cruise ship and spent the rest of her days making napkin animals for obese American kids?

31 DUIs.

That sounds like the pot calling the kettle a rapist!

Pervy Hollywood exec dressed as a line of coke!

I can do "warty".

The New Yorker already wrote it.

Baby Driver 2: Nipple Confusion

I think he meant to write "mine whores."