He stole that bit from Chris Rock:

“She completed her LLM in Law and Government at American University Washington School of Law. She also obtained her Juris Doctorate from Lewis & Clark Law School, MBA from University of Portland and Bachelors of Science in Electrical Engineering and Physics from Portland State University in Oregon.”

“Correlation is causation.”

“Note the subtle brume. Oh, wait, you said good art.”

Chelsea: fake.

Don’t mess with the Zlatan.

He's not a big sports guy; he prefers to stay Far From The Maddening Crowd.

She's very attuned to the struggles of families getting no- or low-work jobs and undeserved accolades for their progeny. Will someone please think of the children!

“Dafuq you say?”

“Nate” would have also carried bundles of expectations.

Robin Williams?

Doesn't even have her SleepNumber(TM). This is against the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

He'd just say MLS spankings are incompetent then write a 5,000 word slashfic of Neymar & Özil bicycle spanking each other.

FIFY

The algorithm now is mostly to buy a USL or NASL franchise, then groom it for expansion into MLS. See: Timbers, Seattle, Vancouver, Minnesota, etc.

Come on the NCAA? It'd be great to see the Sixers relegated to the A-10 and their players have to play for scholarships!

She’s said stuff semi publicly, so she’s not going to avoid answering questions about it

But only one President knew how to deliver the high, hard, one.

You forgot to mention the unabashed consumption of Gitanes.

I wonder if Jim is familiar with the obscure golfing concepts of “Mulligan” and “gimme.”