He does 3 articles:

Or that George Lucas created Jar Jar Binks.

“So Captain Kirk was what? Libertarian?”

A web-based “journalism” outlet publishes a sketchily-sourced article claiming T. Rex attempted to solicit an inter-species assignation. T. Rex goes on a killing rampage through Manhattan, devouring numerous hipsters, progressive poseurs and journalismismists.

Yes, that's what the graph in the report showed

In Putin’s Russia, Amendment firsts you!

“Oh yeah, well whoever smelt it, dealt it.”

Basketball was invented by a Canadian.

You mean other than the delusional hooker “friend”?

If we’re redoing Roman names, I’m hoping for a revival of Caligula.

“Whereas Raymond Felton was always the first guy in the building, every ‘donut Wednesday.’”

Yeah, impressive JPI made it to Brazil before Michael Corleone had him killed.

So the Mitt Romney “47%” video, recorded under similar circumstances, should not have seen the light of day?

Yeah but you repurpose this technology to provide a live video feed of the wedding night to any guests at the reception—that's a multimillion dollar idea!

Since Governor O’Malley abolished the death penalty in Maryland in 2013, poor Mr. Welch won’t get to write a self-serving Letter From Death Row for Gawker.

And the lead actress is hot, unlike that old hag Edith Wharton.

So is she going to also admit that Polanski is a “rape-rapist”?

This wouldn’t happen is he were a sitzpinkler.

That's the one where Spock has a goatee—everything is opposite of our universe.