Calling it now: The psychologist chick in the trailers is the supervillain of this.

Then this is truly a hellish dystopia we live in.

What, you’re not looking forward to a three-minute long monologue delivered by Leo about how “n*gger bitch cunt” tastes different to “white bitch cunt” over a close-up shot of Margot Robbie’s feet that critics everywhere will praise over and over and over and over again?

Dude, you gotta get with the times. It’s Gen-Z. It’s gonna be called Webs, Fake News, and Twitch Streams.

Welcome to Jizzmodo.

I’m wondering how all those desperately defending the wet fart of the reboot deal with the fact that GBII had the black character as the level-headed everyman, while in the reboot the black character is an “OH LAWDY HE COMIN’” stereotype?

These kids were forged in the foundry of Xbox Live, Infowars Douchenuggets.

I’m sick of such stupid and misogynistic writing of female characters, that reduces them to nothing more than being a vessel for sexual objectification and gratuitous sex scenes and nudit-

ARE WE NOT DOING “PHRASING” ANY MORE?!

Yeah. My film Cunt-Fisting Diesel Dykes of Scilar-12 has consistently been turned down, even though it’s a thoughtful, meditative high-brow science fiction epic.

Half the people who try to “reclaim” or “destigmatise” this sort of shit are the sorts of people who never have to exist in an environment where folks ain’t quite as woke as people privileged enough to live in the sort of environment where that shit flies.

“So, how do write a good leading woman?”

That’s my problem with the fucking Marvel movies: they all end the same way. Epic, CGI-heavy massed assault on some city somewhere. Lotsa interchangeable baddies to get red-shirted by the good guys in an orgy of even more CGI, the occasional bon-mot chucked in. Finally, a one-on-one between the Big Good and the Big…

She did.

I’d say the only good video game adaptations are Edge Of Tomorrow or whate’er it’s being called this minute, and Happy! - which I choose to believe is basically Max Payne: The Series (which is actually my second-favourite interpretation, my first being that Stabler went off the fucking rails following his retirement).

That’s what she gets for buying him a Schick razor instead of Gillette...

I hate Hollywood’s habit of buying up adaptation rights, only to cut anything interesting out of the source material. See also: pretty much every video game flick.

“A tour-de-force.”

There’s more traditional eel-based fast food:

Here’s a more pleasant eel video, wherein a small child catches an eel nearly as long as himself.