Sublime. Perfection. Thank you.

OOooh, child. You better hope nobody sneaks in here from Jezebel.

I love you better than my own kids, AFein, but ain’t this Biddle’s beat?

Right. What I'm saying is I don't think the intent was to invoke racist stereotypes with the King Louie character

Fun fact: Louis Prima, the guy who voiced / sang King Louie’s parts, was a white Italian guy from New Orleans.

Hudson Hawk and Cool Wold were two of my fave 90s movies. I just saw The Cult and they still play “The Witch” from CW soundtrack.

Houston is a God-forsaken, mosquito-ridden, sunbaked swamp devoid of any of the advances of Western Civilization (@see, zoning - a crack house and a porn / liquor / gun store can open up right next to a day care and a Catholic Church) and the only reason people champion it is in pre-Hipster Ironic “praise” such as…

I would literally rather live in Mogadishu than Houston. Literally.

I respect your viewpoint and am honestly asking: How do you put up with the traffic? I live in Austin and spending 20 mins to get somewhere (disclosure: I don’t commute along normal channels in a car) feels like an eternity. I literally cannot imagine spending more than an hour in a car per day on average. So, like,…

You know why Baylor football players don’t rape women standing up? Because somebody might think they’re dancing.

Also, existing owners jump the queue.

Hopefully they’ll return to the days of the 80s bush.

I will admit, that if I could have an unlimited supply of vicodin, boner pills, and travel to sex destinations I would probably also end up some flavor of Charlie Sheen.

These little fellas will work great on my herpes sores!

Is that a closeup on Hulk’s dong?

Fat Dracula admits nothing.

That 90's show “Suddenly Susan” had a theme song by Shawn Colvin, with a lyric that went “So don’t you try to save me / With your advice / Or turn me into something else / ‘Cuz I’m not crazy / And you’re not nice” that always stuck with me for the very trope you mention.

I’m in Austin. Feels like mother effin’ West Berlin in the 60s sometimes.

There is nobody running for president who should be in charge of one of these, let alone all of them.