Sublime. Perfection. Thank you.

OOooh, child. You better hope nobody sneaks in here from Jezebel.

Houston is a God-forsaken, mosquito-ridden, sunbaked swamp devoid of any of the advances of Western Civilization (@see, zoning - a crack house and a porn / liquor / gun store can open up right next to a day care and a Catholic Church) and the only reason people champion it is in pre-Hipster Ironic “praise” such as…

I would literally rather live in Mogadishu than Houston. Literally.

I respect your viewpoint and am honestly asking: How do you put up with the traffic? I live in Austin and spending 20 mins to get somewhere (disclosure: I don’t commute along normal channels in a car) feels like an eternity. I literally cannot imagine spending more than an hour in a car per day on average. So, like,…

You know why Baylor football players don’t rape women standing up? Because somebody might think they’re dancing.

Also, existing owners jump the queue.

Hopefully they’ll return to the days of the 80s bush.

I will admit, that if I could have an unlimited supply of vicodin, boner pills, and travel to sex destinations I would probably also end up some flavor of Charlie Sheen.

Fat Dracula admits nothing.

That 90's show “Suddenly Susan” had a theme song by Shawn Colvin, with a lyric that went “So don’t you try to save me / With your advice / Or turn me into something else / ‘Cuz I’m not crazy / And you’re not nice” that always stuck with me for the very trope you mention.

I’m in Austin. Feels like mother effin’ West Berlin in the 60s sometimes.

There is nobody running for president who should be in charge of one of these, let alone all of them.

WOW!!

Nobody at that level will ever go to jail. You can tell how bad it is by how many sacrificial underlings are punished and to what degree, but at some point you reach “escape velocity” in the American system. If you think of the worst-ever scandals in terms of public outrage (Watergate, Iran Contra, Iraq/CIA torture)…

Yikes. I hope y’all are on some kind of prep.

True. They only give it to you in little doses that take years (or decades) to fully appreciate. Shakes the Clown? I rest my case.

Beyoncé Isn’t Making a Saartjie Baartman Movie

I’d like delay deez nuts on their foreheads.

I just checked and the domain jemblebros.com is still available.