Truuuuue, they do mostly suck. But, my man, *those pants*:

And yet, Oreo themselves still didn’t touch on the greatest flavor combo. It took my local grocery chain to make that happen, and bless them (and a little bit of extra Tajin sprinkled in the middle) for this wonderful creation.

As a now-grown woman who was a very feral child and early teen, this whole no-brushing thing brings back a ton of memories. In middle school, part of it was because I was (and honestly still am, just not about hygiene) a lazy, lazy gal. But it did afford me one advantage: fucking with my friends when they got…

All disgusting... well, everything - aside, they need to dump that clown fan section first because nobody will take any sports fan base that dresses up like John Wayne Gacy seriously.

It’s literally the first 2 minutes of the episode after introductions. 

I wish I had more than one star to give you.

Oh boy, do I have some great hellacious Southern Baptist (verrrrrrrry Zionist) churches to take you to, then.

A lot of the evangelicals I grew up hearing around me in the Southern Baptist churches my family made us go to held onto that viewpoint of “Catholics aren’t real Christians, they’re just pagans pretending to be” all the way through the ‘90s, at the very least (which was the last time I spent any time in a church aside…

Did you laugh your ass off at the person getting killed by the a/c unit? I felt so bad for laughing, but my god, it was so abrupt after the lead-in slow motion.

Dude, I’m a Cubs fan, so being delusional enough to imagine there ever being a non-evil rich entity that could afford to buy a baseball team is just part of that package deal.

Ah yes, the day my happiness hit a concrete wall. I unfortunately remember it well.

My longtime Cubs-fan self feels the same. I was elated that “Finally, someone besides a heartless corporation will own this team and maybe win us a World Series in my lifetime!” when Trib put them up on the sale block. 

Okay, fine, for Sal and Sal alone, I’ll root for the Rams to win on Sunday. There’s absolutely no other reason why I’d possibly root for them. It’s certainly not like I’m tired of Pats horseshit and want to see Brady and Belichick fail on a national stage. That’d be just totally unlike me.

Wait, Drew’s BACK? DREW’S BACK!

Pop’s not mad, he’s just disappointed.

I’m so hard up that I’ll literally take anything rugby-adjacent-looking-if-I-squint-really-hard-and-am-nearly-alcohol-poisoned-drunk at this point in my life.

That wacky play once again makes me wonder why the hell we don’t get rugby 7s broadcast around this country more often.

In all fairness, by that time of the evening every Whataburger drive-thru takes FOREVER, so it may not have been a full-on alcohol prompted sleep.

“but they would completely supplant the Cowboys as America’s Team, thus fucking over Jerruh. Everyone wins!”