He’s got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn’t seem to be livin’ - until he bites ya. And those black eyes roll over white, and then... oh, then you hear that terrible high-pitch screamin’.

It was the definitely Virginity Loophole most often used by those looking to “almost”-bone in the Southern Baptist youth group I had to attend during my teens.

Well, sometimes they may or may not be under the Alamo.

Today I learned that Roth enjoys lighting his house like a late ‘80s mall food court.

If my now-husband had said something like that when he proposed, I would have to fight every atom in my body to not slap him silly. And he probably would also not’ve become my husband, because COME THE FUCK ON, dude.

I feel like Tyler here needs a social media break.

Their entire fight song is literally about how much they hate another school that doesn’t even play them anymore.

Hello, yes, this is my Dallas-born stance as well. (And I’m honestly pretty jazzed that you green guys got a SB win too, much to the chagrin of the more meatheaded Cowboys fans I know. I mean, at least it was y’all and not the Redskins...)

Texan-flavored Baptist to be exact. Which, if you were raised in those churches like I was, makes all of this not at all that surprising but still sad nonetheless.

Oh man, classic gaslighting! You got that broad GOOD!