and the ones who aren’t dorks are the worst people you’ll ever meet.

lol - mayhem may be harsh sounding, but they sound like highly produced k-pop compared to underground black metal. 

it’ll be carved into his headstone, right below the crossed switches.

eating at your wedding - if you have a wedding coordinator, ask them to run interference for you during dinner. our coordinator was like 4'11" and 98 lbs, soaking wet, but she was heading off drunk uncles like she was Manute Bol slapping shots out of the air. it was truly impressive, and because of that, i got to…

re: ice cream parlor jobs — i don’t know anyone who worked an ice cream job who still likes ice cream. my mom worked one at one when she was in high school and i don’t think i saw her eat ice cream until i was like 20 and it was like 100 degrees out. 

Are these ‘friends’ the same set that Drumpf references when he states “people say that i’m a stable genius”?

winovich looks legit. reminds me of peak ninkovich (and not because of the similar last names)

losing dorsett would stink. losing gordon would be devastating.

learning that she was a rabid right wing psycho was such a bummer. it momentarily made her less of a babe, but as always, i got over that and still think she is super hot.

the root issue is this: put your luggage above your seat, or within arms reach of your row.

endgame wasn’t a terrible movie, but i agree, compared directly to infinity war it was pretty butt. all things considered, its probably, like, the 14th best MCU movie.

A friend of mine likes to drop “ASS TO ASS!” as a non-sequitur, and it never fails to make me laugh. #junkiehookerjenniferconnellyforpresident

The world needs to know what happened to Mean Pete, Joey Abs and Rodney!!!

Oh, definitely. The pats D was well on its way to becoming the force it is now by that point. Who knew that Flores declaring he was leaving the team for Miami would prove to be such a big turning point. 

re: the pats beating them twice last year - you also need to factor in how awful the chiefs D is.

you said ‘two minutes’ five minutes ago

i commend him for coming forward, but now he’ll have to run like 4,000 laps around gilette for breaking with team protocol and telling an insider story.

they haven’t been good since the glory days of AlcoholicA

he is also a terrible drummer who can’t count to 4 properly. 

Doing his best Jack Tatum impression, i see