just do what i do: if they give you shit, immediately accuse them of counting cards. shuts them up pretty quick. best line i dropped was telling some fat ogre lady “hey rain man, if you’re going to count cards, don’t waste time at the 5 dollar table” (as we were at at 5 dollar blackjack table)

He got his Whoopin’ stick from Avery though.

re: gym shits — the best way to avoid this is to take a pre-workout supplement like Jack3d, NOxplode or Animal Rage. they have so many stimulants in them that you have to rip a dump within 10 minutes of taking them, allowing you to shit on your home turf.

am i the only one who thinks its weird that he swore? he’s the most bland person in the history of sports. He’s the type of person who says “darn tooting”

it is disgusting to be lumped in with long island guidos and their ilk. the jersey shore gave that subset of italian-americans too much exposure and now people ask me what my recipe for “gravy” is just because i happen to be of italian descent.

“gravy” is the most disgusting term for tomato sauce. few things announce to the world that you’re a vile guido from LONG GUYYISLAND faster than saying “cookin’ sunday gravy”. it is more offensive than wearing jets gear. we get it, you’re a troll who works for ConEd and is down with casual racism. take it down a notch…

beef tenderloin only dries out if you cook it like a damned jagaloon. you were on chopped for christ’s sake!

Let me tell you where it will never be ok to rip one: church. when i was 10 or 11 i was at church and managed to convince my mom to let me sit with my friends. the priest made it to the homily, and i’m sweating bullets because i’ve been holding a fart in for the last half hour. i finally decide to try and let it…

i choose to believe that was intentional:

its ok, you found your true calling as a video artist

Beat Bobby Flay... in a divorce court

This is pedestrian compared to some of the other stories, but if you’re in boston and you ride the red line daily, particularly south of the city, you’ll get to see people removing their shoes and socks to clip their toe nails. i think all feet are gross, but i can assure you that these feet were the vilest of the…

yo, check yourself - pearl jam are about as cool as a soggy paper plate full of hot chili

fairly certain hgh also rebuilds connective tissues, which is part of the reason it is so popular with athletes (that and the inability to test for it effectively)

well done, A+ work