Uhhhh, No. Fucking no dude, they aren’t.

Forget? I never even knew! Holy crap, so amazing, and so perfect!

Andy:

I laughed wildly at the idea of a traffic pylon with a Bengals hat and a headset coaching this godforsaken team.

How can you forget about Charlie Manson?

Bengals players are notorious for having things fall off of trucks. Whether it’s Andy Dalton’s luggage or Chris Henry’s body.

I am still a Dalton hater. Poor SOB really doesn’t deserve it. Total professional. He lives in the neighborhood during the season. Nice guy. PRO BOWLER.

Andy Dalton looks like the live action version of Roger Klotz.

“ But seriously, fuck Joey Porter with a frozen package of Skyline Chili.”

David Klingler completed the third longest pass, 83 yards, in the NFL in 1992. True fact.

“Most of the town’s best exports are bands that often sing about how bombed out Cincinnati is.”

I can never spell it right on the first try and I don’t care to learn because who gives a fuck about that.

This made me thirsty for an old-school, KSK-style Pacman Jones column.

Wanna know who REALLY killed Harambe? This team. This team shot that ape in cold blood.

Steelers fans calling the Bengals dirty is like Jerry Sandusky calling out the Catholic church for pedophilia.

My favorite moment in Bengals history:

To paraphrase Nic Cage, how in Zeus’s BUTTHOLE did this team win 12 games?

This definitely reminded me of my college days living in a similar arrangement. Jackin’ was a logistical nightmare.

cool thx for that blindingly brilliant insight u have a brite future.

They split the rent equally, each paying $227.25 per month, but the housemate with the single room covers Internet and cable.