and Hardwick already has experience hosting a game show

I guess you could call that snack his bread and butter.

If you had 20 more in you ...

I still think of “10 years ago” as the 90s.

The optimal way to consume okra is pickled. Pickled okra is, empirically, the tits.

The only replacement I’ll accept:

Bravo good sir.

Did you stand up and take a bow?

See, when I feel an ill wind, I also try to let it out, but it usually becomes a shart at that point.

Chuck Woolery could take over for Trebek.

“I get a lot of emails from people about how gross farting the shower is...”

1) pickled okra is one of the greatest foods mankind has ever made. I could eat a barrel of it.

I’ve gotta figure that the immortal phrase “blowing on my kid's scrod" has triggered more than a few corporate internet filters.

Which celebrities would be good novelties as game show hosts? Stone Cold Steve Austin? Bill O’Reilly? PFT Commenter? Drew Magary?

these fuckers

Once in a mostly empty theater waiting for a movie to start, I felt an ill wind brewing. So when the lights went down, in that moment of silence before the film started, I lifted a cheek and let loose a mighty blast - loud, long, and even a little modulated so it went higher at the end. It was timed perfectly.…

Nothing has a higher consumed-to-burned-mouth ratio than Stouffer’s French Bread Pizza. The worst part is that it’s not even good.

That’s one of the underplayed signs “you’re getting old” — going to a general admission concert and realizing, about an hour or two in, “Man, I gotta find a place to sit down!”

You have to pace yourself and if you have a band you really want to see, bail on the band before them (and find a seat, any seat, even if you…

I feel like the microwaved stuffed garbage should be it own category. I’ve probably got a losing lifetime record against burritos.

I’m headed to Denver Riot Fest in a few weeks and I’m just about to turn 39. I went to a concert the other night, and my fucking left leg went numb while I stood there and watched just three bands. I’m not sure how much I’m gonna hold up, but I gotta go see the Misfits.