Sauté the rich

“You betas ever been in the shit? I have, and it was easy. I could have lasted 96 hours in there. 134 hours. Elevators are nothing. 174 hours. Humans are animals.”

lol Apple: Putting lipstick on a pig since 1976

Neither of those extremes are as good as my idea: The Wheel of Death. It ranges from 0% to 150%, interspersed with things like “cars,” “houses,” and “first born.” Your rich ass dad died? Spin The Wheel of Death! Let god sort it out.

Our deepest apologies for any anxiety that was caused by this error. We still know where your children sleep though. Remember that. One phone call.”

The luncheon truly went downhill when Sen. Johnson asked if there were any vegetarian options that day. Sen. Lee has since released a statement apologizing for his behavior, saying there is no excuse for homophobic slurs and that the gun wasn’t loaded.

Ha ha ha all the money in the world can’t buy a good ratio. Maybe Ruffles could acquire himself a better personality. What’s that go for nowadays

Whatever, it’s not like anything bad has happened

“That’ll be $26.”

Hannity will have some Latino guy say “My people support Sandmann” and we’ll get a million nazi blog posts titled “Native Community Condemns Anti-MAGA Hate Speech.” 

This is 100% because of reporting I personally dislike. I warned y’all.

“In fact, I operate multiple payday loan charities that would love to help struggling federal workers at very competitive interest rates.”

Having only been exposed to Fox News and Breitbart, I wouldn’t be surprised if he is convinced Venezuela is actually the socialist utopia the left is fighting for. “Take that! We’re blowing up lib heaven!” 

Better than the far-left lib open border smart wall, which has USB ports so illegals can charge their phones before they walk through the open border door straight into my daughters’ rooms

“No, we mean physically, technically, how does video on the computer screen get there? So you take it, you’ve now got a VHS... ??? What happens next?!”

“‘Incest babies’? I don’t know if I’d go that far. ‘Incest-adjacent’ maybe. Should they go back to Europe? Yes. They should definitely visit somewhere out-of-state for once.”

Look, Im going to need some character backstory if Im going to pass this quiz. Financial reports? Im poor as hell. Why would anyone email me financial reports? Phishing. Dropbox? I dont even have a Dropbox account. Where’s there identity theft button

Jack Dorsey looks like a militia leader whose only experience is playing Call of Duty and going to hardcore shows

lol real Both Sides Warrior over here

Have we learned nothing from science fiction?