I just listened to “Shallow” on YouTube and it is very bad. It sounds like it should be on “The Voice” or some other TV show for boring people. 

M. Pete is a true Renaissance Man: multi-lingual (7), degrees from Harvard and Oxford, Navy vet, and played piano with Ben Folds that one time. Yearning for some cookie-cutter “plans” at the moment is silly. Oh, you want to tax the rich to pay for domestic services? No kidding. Mayor Pete all the way!

Didn’t work. Watched the whole thing and I still want to donate to the NAACP and let everyone know how much I like Kendrick Lamar. Which is a lot. I really like Kendrick Lamar. Everyone should know this.

Don’t forget, Wayne Messam announced his run too! I’ll wait so you can look up who that is. Can we get a tally article? A list is fine, I probably won’t read an article.

Thank god. Who knows what kind of dangerous wacko is going to sneak up on me when I’m stalking my ex. You can never be too careful

That image is so perfect I almost don’t believe it. We’re positive this wasn’t a hipster being ironic, right? Very meta. 

U.S. District Judge William Osteen ruled that bans on “week- or event-specific” abortions are unconstitutional

C’mon, that was back in 1991, when blackface was acceptable and there was no twitter. I have a great-grandparent who was alive then and he said it was not great. 

The problem is that Puerto Rico is part of one of those shithole countries. You know, the ones dominated by religious nutjobs, without modern healthcare

After what Cardi B did to me, I can’t look at $22.50 without going into cold sweats.

A two-state solution is antithetical to the progressive values of integration and multiculturalism.

Different birds have different habits—certain species of ducks and gulls you’ll find only on the ocean, shorebirds mostly prefer to hang by the shore, while birds like harriers and bobolinks inhabit grasslands.

NO COLLISSION! INNOCENT OF ALL CRIME! IN YOUR FACE< TERRORISTS

“Last week, the media assumed that I said ‘no collusion,’ when what I really said was ‘no collision.’ There was no collision between the White House and Russia and we stand by that claim.”

This is what I’ve been saying for months

It’ll just be Hillary Clinton’s emails. They found them. Whoever the AG is nowadays will be handing out harsh words soon. Lock her up! Ha ha ha

lol Donald gives all things their permissions. Nothing happens that Donald hasn’t permissed. He won the election. He won. He beat Hillary Clinton.

the only dating advice column that can help turn your love life from single-player to co-op

Are you saying that you’re able to exist behind a woman without knowing what her hair and neck smells like? Like some sort of superman? 

you havent seen my father’s penis. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone