Tucker/Gregg 2020, running on a platform of white people being so inherently superior that they can afford to pay higher taxes. “Fuck you, but also...godammit...ok.”

“Excellent report. I would love to touch this Mother Jones. Meet. I would love to meet this Mother Jones.” —Mike Pence

I didnt edit anything, for the record.

His statement, though, doesn’t even imply that he has photographed, posted online, or masturbated to AOC’s feet. jokes_on_you simply used their obsession with feet to debunk a right-wing hoax. Your ‘context clues’ are merely manifestations of your own inhibitions and stereotypes.  

That said, the fact that the foot expert in question is a fetishist and lead with “I’ve sucked enough toes” is both creepy as fuck (as it’s an objectification of an unwilling participant)

This is nothing compared to taking a DNA test

I misread this title as “Supersonic Arsonist Destroys Seven Cars During Anime Con” and was like anime conventions are awesome

Obama was in favor of gay marriage, but he backed off the idea as he entered Congress and prepared to run for president, before switching again during his presidency

It’s probably some double IPA CBD infused triple-filtered apricot pineapple hipster monstrosity. “We grow our hops while they listen to indie rock under a blacklight. NO GMO”

This will pass. There’s talk of General George Fuckwad III joining the administration, finally providing the White House the mature guidance that will help the president transition into a more traditional style of govern *BANG*

The most dangerous uninspected food will be seafood, which is eaten mostly on the liberal coasts. Checkmate. No more federal workers. Sick coastal elites. Ha ha ha take that

It would just be about anxiety and hostage situations. Didn’t half of all superheroes die? Very sad movie.

When media caught up he sprinted across the street to the First Baptist Church of Charlotte’s parking lot

Having admitted to the administration’s lies, Kellyanne Conway was never seen again. Some say she bought a beach house, some say she “bought the beach house.” 

Phew Im not the only one who noticed this stupid shit. Apparently ideological “balance” means you have to publish complete assholes all the time

lol all of the GOP branding firms are like “fuuuuuck this job is impossible”

I didn’t realize that Brexit is about Britain leaving planet Earth. “Atmosphere will be in short supply but look at that beautiful morning. I sure do miss mangoes, though.”

It’s not like the new barriers are insurmountable. Just create an account, make sure your base64-encoded password passes our Security Gate, match your [job/volunteer job/job search] USID to its position on the Fairness Chart, triangulate your Freedom Position using your new Human Worth Points, in the predetermined time…

I don’t think so Tucky. Stoned me at dinner: