It really makes you want to lock yourself in a room and boof yourself silly, doesnt it

Im starting a pool: How many people will die because of this alert? My money is on 5 to 10.

Ugh there’s always someone there to take it too far. ONLY CONSENSUAL BOOFING.

Boofing back to front to back, simultaneously. Spontaneous, public boofing. Boofing without shame or remorse.

What this calls for is a good round of Senatorial boofing, for unity. Unity Boofing. I am never going to stop with this. Boofing in the chambers. Boofing all over pending legislation. Objection? Overruled. Boofing will continue until we have reached an agreement.

“And those pedo priests. What. A. Bad. Deal. They. Have. Gotten. I can’t believe it. Anyone can make allegations. Anyone. You can make allegations. You can make allegations. You can make allegations. It’s madness. But I can’t make allegations, oh no. I’m not Hillary Clinton enough.”

We said that eventually superheroes would be real. We never said getting there would be easy

What an occasion. Boofing at the beach. Boofing in the showers. Boofing in front of all of your friends. It was the 80s. It was the 80s so hard back then

“Straight to the President, my good mailman! Do not open it! Straight to the President!”

Phone calls have been removed to make room for 12,000 emojis. The camera can only take pictures of itself, and all you can do is upload them to Instagram. It only unlocks if you scream ‘I FUCKING LOVE VERIZON WIRELESS.’

Look, perjury requires a premeditated attempt to mislead an audience with a known lie. But who can scry a man’s thoughts? A person’s memory is so ephemeral I think it’s safe to say we are all liars in our own ways. Perjury then, really, is impossible to prove. 30 years of angry yelling please

Have you ever thought that huge amounts of waste, no oversight, and no consumer protections is just what the doctor ordered? We’ve kicked our economy into seventh gear! We’ve launched our economy into the upper spaceosphere! Pay no attention to the concentration camps. Look at that there economy

The Democrats are orange! Look at them! And their hair, oh lord, get it under control Democrats. How racist the Democrats are too, calling minorities, slandered white patriots, rapists?! Who does that? Democrats. It’s like they’re in the throes of dementia. 

What are the chances one of these will kill me somehow? What if it gets wet? How do they work? “He died from blankets” makes for a terrible obituary. 

What are the chances one of these will kill me somehow? What if it gets wet? How do they work? “He died from…

HOW COULD WE HAVE KNOWN?!?! CAN WE VET EVERYONE FOR EVERYTHING>!>! 

Daylight Orrin Hatch

I have no desire to watch someone recount their sexual assault and then have a bunch of dudes yell at her. So weird right

lol Brant Kavinooo is such a wild dog tho. His face was covered in blood; blood was coming out of his eyes like he was crying but his face was scrowling like a rabid mongrel. Spit was going everywhere all over Lindsay Graham but he was quiet like a gentleman scholar. Old Man Orren tipped his fedora and said he would…