Via Axios:

“We must immediately start the verification process so that these innocent souls can take refuge in America’s warm embraahahaahahaha — Did I get you, John? I got you, right, Mitch? Ha ha ha I got you all bad.”

“Don’t these people know that Democrats and unions are the ones who created racism? This is why I’m President of Education.”

“My dad keeps watching Inglorious Bastards and I swear it’s giving me PTSD. He keeps inviting me to play Wolfenstein and I’m like ‘DAD THIS IS NOT FUNNY THIS IS MY LIFE’”

He then quoted the famous hymn “Jesus Loves the Little Children,” emphasizing the phrase “all the children of the world; red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight.”

“I REFUSE to continue to fund this wasteful military spending. Who’s with me? No more taxes! No more taxes!” —Paul Manafort

Where, exactly, do you think communists first learn about socialism? Hunting with their nuclear families? Do you think it’s the deer introducing impressionable youth to Marx and Trotsky? No, Americans aren’t catching the Red Itch from building barns and plowing the fields. Colleges. What are colleges filled with?…

500 hats gets you a 10-minute sit-down. 1000 hats buys a Tweet of your choosing. 2000 hats gets you a ticket to the Intern Fights.

Gorka’s card looks like something a freelancer would whip up in Photoshop

I think we’re being invaded by big-brained aliens with bad disguises. Not to brain-shame anyone of course

my 3-year-old is heading to “big kid school” next week. Sure it’s PK3

I just want people to appreciate how excellent this image is:

Framing American “socialism” and capitalism as intrinsically opposed is super dumb! Stoppit!

Admittedly, this is perhaps something that someone with gaping holes in their brain might find logical.

The first handjob I ever got was waxing my dad’s mustang and then giving him a discount rimjob. Replaced his fluids and everything.

Twice a week or so I will wash my hair and beard with Head & Shoulders Advanced 2in1 Classic Clean, because I had dandruff for a few months 24 years ago.

Why aren’t we incorporating the cost of all the funeral expenses of those who died because they can’t afford access to health care? That is part of the cost of our system.

lol “Performer 666xxxDeathMachine is free on bail after being arrested for drowning three families in his backyard pool. He will be performing his #1 hit single this weekend at the Astrodome.”

Numerous players, from different teams, wanted to show their “outrage” at something that most of them are unable to define.

“It isn’t racist to question the 14 motives of (((George Soros))). He’s horrible, that hellish heathen, hindering humans.” —Laura Ingraham