“...except for the immigrant stuff. Our voters love that, the rascals. Lock her up! Lock her up! Ha ha ha we have fun”

Ohhh great, time to assign a special prosecutor I guess. I hear he takes legal tax breaks too. Pay your taxes! Is that really him on the video or is it a Russian?! Oh no! Better get Bob Mullah to harass his family! Bob’ll violate his way to the bottom of this

She is six feet tall and totally has the look of the person I want running border patrol. If only she didn’t help send kids to kid-dungeon. That sounds a lot cuter than it is.

Mini golf is NOT STUPID YOURE STUPID

The point is white Georgia won’t notice this subtle dis, they’ll just get all worked up and start chanting “Pizza Gate! Pizza Gate!” before they spot someone who might be gay and run off

“I thought there was only Heaven was up there, but Muslims?! Space force. Only option. Get our best guys on it. Awesome.” —Mike Pence

“altar of St Bernard of Burlington”

Those moral enforcers, Bob and Harvey Weinstein, were so offended that they threatened to stop filming their movies here. The people of Georgia don’t measure up to the Weinstein standard.

She compares it to the gentle talk of biscuits on a train ride in her home country, which carries a secret message:

Laura is trying to pull a Megyn Kelly; this is the part where she gets name recognition by saying truly noxious shit. 2) Then be slightly less noxious and get picked up by NBC. 3) Profit. There’s no ??? step.

Yet you liberals are against cancer owning a gun. Go figure. Hypocrites.

“Here’s the deal: we will give you your interview, but we get the questions in advance and also whatever answers that will keep us all out of prison. Perfectly reasonable terms.”

The demon in my head tells my to eat all the fat I can fit into my face but do I listen? Yes. Not guilty, on account of demons. Those tricky bastards.

“FUCKIN’ FINALLY” —Paul Ryan

We need to remove the water at the bottom of the ocean; into the blue again, after the money’s gone.

Her campaign platformincluded securing a $15 minimum wage, protecting unions, and Medicare for All. She also supports overturning Trump’s Muslim travel ban, dismantling detention centers, and securing a pathway to citizenship for undocumented immigrants.

“Mom, I have given it a lot of thought, and for the safety of our family I have decided to dispose of your gun. #BoycottNRA” 

Sure, leave out the part where she yelled “Dismantle the police state,” raised a power fist, and grew an afro on the spot. Officer had no other options

Marvel Entertainment chairman Ike Perlmutter

I don’t see the problem. Guns are legal. Marijuana is pretty much legal. Possessing cash is legal. No crimes here. Free Reggie!