I imagine this is something that friends say about you after suffering a major stroke. Or something equally debilitating. 

2018 was the year of the QAnon conspiracy shifting from internet oddity to a deeply depressing cult of divorced dads who aren’t invited to Thanksgiving anymore.

As a Giants fan, I await our return to Ass Team of the Week glory as they play out the stretch (vs Titans, at Colts, vs Cowboys). I honestly don’t know how it’ll happen, but win or lose, they’ll make it. I feel it in my bones. 

Because 2017 was a weird fucking year, and he was in the right place at the right time. 

They basically broke the bank for the NFL’s version of Dwight Howard - a corny-ass dude who can play in spurts, but will ultimately be paid far above his skill level. 

It only took three bears to get Goldilocks to stop breaking and entering

It Only Took Four Bears to Make Jared god Look Like A Chump

I dunno. The dude died shortly after coughing this thing out. And I can’t imagine that anyone can look at something they cough out of their body that is that big without being freaked out even a little bit. 

No lie, they’ve been on repeat on my playlist as of late. Their music is fucking perfect for a revolution. And songs like “Prison Song” have (sadly) aged rather well. 

Not gonna lie, didn’t see that many live acts this year. Schedule didn’t let me see that many acts like I did in 2017.

He’s been busy working for those Good Place points building homes for the poor with Habitat for Humanity. Also, being a good, humble person generally helps keep you grounded mentally. He’s doing great for a man in his nineties. 

Yep. If oblivion is imminent, and there’s no realistic way you can survive the fallout and bedlam that follows, might as well get a good view, a nice reclining chair, some booze, and a few moments of peace before the inevitable.

Once could say we’re begging for him to stay.

This is the correct answer. As weary as I am about Pelosi appeasing the GOP, at least she has some history of whipping the ranks of the Democrats in order and getting some meaningful action done. Since it’s unlikely the Dems will find anyone better to assume Speakership, she’ll have to do.

With the amount of projecting he is doing, it’s fair to ask if he’s Republican. 

My god, imagine if Washington saw this and actually decided to sign him. It’d be the second coming of the decade’s worst QB competition. Rex Ryan would be so proud.

Are we talking about a Paul Bunyan-type giant that can use an axe and other woodsman tools? Or just someone with gigantism in good physical health and strength that would fight a bear unarmed?

AOC is just a delight, and she really has the right idea about tacking the global warming crisis. If we’re going to save life on Earth from the worst of climate change, we’ll need to galvanize all sects of society toward this common goal, with dedicated levels of labor, capital and effort that would easily dwarf the…

“At least he didn’t brutally attack his pregnant girlfriend knell during the national anthem to raise awareness of police brutality and racial injustice against the black community.”

Fair - but he’s never gone into one on his own volition. And there’s no chance in hell he understands what’s going on inside of them anyway