Poor little lamb. It takes a lot of practice to get the mascara allllllll the way down to your root base, without getting it all over your eyelids. Brunettes don’t have to deal with that shit.

If my facebook feed is any indication, people fucking LOVE angry Elizabeth Warren, and the ones who don’t were never, ever going to vote for her anyways.

I’m a red head, so my eyelashes and eyebrows are invisible, and under eye area is so pale it’s pretty much blue. If I go out without makeup and a hat covering my hair, people think I have cancer. I want to make an video like those feed the children commercials from the 90s.

I mean, TECHNICALLY botulism is natural. So is arsenic.

I should quit drinking. Not because I drink too much, I almost never drink, but because after having a baby I’m such a lightweight that even one glass of wine gives me a hangover. I can’t hang with the cool kids anymore without wanting to die the next day.

I think Emperor outranks Queen, so you can call yourself royal, or whatever you want.

I doubt that’s how she really feels, these comments are indicative of the image the GOOP brand is trying to project. In reality, every time someone writes an article about her, she saves $50k in advertising costs. She likes it.

So basically Mighty Ducks, but basketball?

You could cut a bitch with those cheekbones.

THIS. I have a three year old son and I make a point to discuss emotions with him, because I want him to be able to process feelings in a healthy way as an adult, instead of locking everything inside like most men are trained to do. We discuss things everyday, what made him happy, or scared, or angry, or frustrated,…

I always wonder what would an actual solution to cases that warrant a restraining order, where a person’s safety is at risk. Clearly a restraining order is mostly bullshit. An obsessive asshole who wants to kill you isn’t going to stop because a restraining order is in place. Private security is unaffordable to 99% of…

It looks so good, I can’t wait to see it six months from now on Amazon, because I have a kid and haven’t seen a movie in the theater since 2016.

Haha, that made me gag.

But which one of them is the professional butterfly tickler, and which one of them is the part time tortoise wrangler? 

Did every other French filmmaker die, and Polanski’s film is the only French film left in the entire world forever and ever? Because that’s the only scenario I can think of where nominating him for 12 awards might seem like a good idea, and even then, it’s still a bad idea.

One of my neighbors has a Bloomberg sign in their front yard and I can’t even.

A small production company that only produces her projects. It’s a way to get an additional credit on a picture, not a way to bankroll an entire film. 

They should just name their band Bonus Jonas. I’m going to buy all their domain name options now. I’m gonna be rich!

Congratulations. Now they just have to have two more kids so that they can start their own tiny, sibling band.

I think it’s interesting that you jump straight to “now we’re going to let unqualified people into med school to meet quotas”, instead of acknowledging that we’ve been doing the opposite since pretty much forever: NOT letting qualified people into med school because of their race, gender, or background, and letting…