Obligatory. 

This is “Milo and Otis” all over again.

Same. I tried to host a cookie decorating party last year. Everyone decorated one, two cookies max, then got bored and just sat their talking. We should hang out without our lame friends and decorate ALL the cookies.

I’m not sure I’ve ever eaten a red hot in my life, that wasn’t embedded in an inch of frosting atop a sugar cookie.

My inner fat kid, and soon to be outer fat kid, is doing a happy dance.

Do you guys think if Fox News Blondes takes the whole thing, that they’ll find out about it and do a segment about how Jezebel is just jealous? I can’t wait to be a famous harpy snowflake.

Ugh. I’m still mad about missionary. STILL.

*Clicks add to reading list*

Not even deep down, right on the surface I would bang it out with Andy Dwyer/Pratt way before Star Lord/Pratt. There, I said it. 

If Kris Jenner was a member, it would be the Karen Koalition.

One Million Moms, a.k.a. Two Broads in a Basement.

I HAVE NOT IDEA. SERIOUSLY PEOPLE, WHAT THE FUCK???? YOU PICKED A DOG OVER BIDEN? A DOG????

No, vote for the thing you want cancelled the most. Cancelled the mostest. Most cancelled. I don’t know how I can be any more clear. 

Ask and you shall receive.

Bring a friend and get her to obviously hit on your coworkers right in front of you. Super awkward times for coworkers, hilarious times for you. 

Ooh, what kind of gross job? I don’t have a normally gross job, well, not unless I want it to be anyways, but I do have an awesome story about preparing decapitated heads for a cadaver lab that KILLS at cocktail parties. It’s a great party trick to see how many squeamish people I can freak out and get to leave, versus…

You convinced me.

I mean, I want to say that Ligers can DEFINITELY do magic, but I have no proof. So I’ll stick with maybe.