In Washington state:

What’s a chippy?

Ugh, I watched Mother while I was 6 months pregnant. Worst. Idea. Ever. Never so glad to not be having twins as I was after that movie.

I wouldn’t want to sleep in the same house with three small children when I was that pregnant either. Woman needs some sleep.

What assholes. I hope they never got invited to Christmas Eve dinner again.

Stop trying to make Cardi B happen. It’s never going to happen.

Ted Cruz is only 48?  He is aging horribly.

Omelette= Egg+Oil+cheese

I don’t understand the “why” of any religion. I mean, if you can explain the “why” of Christianity, I’m all ears, but I can’t figure out that one either. If anything, scientology makes more sense, because it started off as a method of self improvement. Tell people that you can fix that empty feeling in them, make them…

Mayo= Egg+Oil

Spiced mayo, hold the spice.

If you’re interested in learning more about how fucking nuts Scientology is, I cannot recommend Going Clear more. Even if only 1/10th of what is in the story is true, it is still the most batshit thing I have ever read. 10 out of 10- Would hail Xenu again.

I think they should get Craig from Deadspin’s neighbor Iris to host. I would watch the shit out of that.

Yeah, I am a super cheap date now.  1 glass and I have a pretty good buzz going.  In college that would have taken 4 drinks in an hour to achieve. 

The problem is that after not drinking for 2 years, pretty much any amount of alcohol gives me a hangover the next day. I’ve never been a huge drinking, but I used to be able to have 3 cocktails over the course of an evening and still be pretty sober and perfectly peachy the next day, but now anything more than one…

I always assume that most thin celebrities are always on a diet, so I guess from that standpoint it kind of makes sense. Probably more sense actually to have your weight loss company represented by someone who has never fallen off the diet wagon and maintained that calorie counting lifestyle their whole life, as…

People are still vaping?

1.) That time you called me in the middle of the day at work after I explicitly asked you not to, and thought that your need to validate your own experience was greater than my need to keep my god damned job.

No imagination necessary.

Yeah, when people say they don’t see race, what they REALLY mean is they don’t see racism.