Maximum Derek!

“Where were you on 9/11, 17 years ago?”

I don’t know. I don’t really feel like cooking, but I don’t want to eat out either. I really want a salad but I threw out all my fucking romaine.

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!!

Seriously. I’d do it for free.

30 days alone where no one can bother me? Where do I sign up?

Netflix keeps putting up ads for Sick Note which Lindsey is in, and she looks almost normal in them. Whoever did the hair and makeup for that show deserves an Emmy.

Thanks a lot, forced birthers.

It’s not harder (and the fabric thing is bullshit too), it’s just more expensive to set up. One of the reasons that brands traditionally go from size 0-12 is because they develop their design off of a size 6, and then you can grade up or down about 3 sizes before things start to get weird and distorted, and then you…

Binders full of them. 

I want to say thank you for everything you do. I have been lucky in my life to never have needed an elective abortion, but a few years ago I had a missed miscarriage, and my options were to undergo a medical abortion or a D&C when it became clear after 2 weeks that my body wasn’t going to expel the fetus on its own. I…

The entire practice of separating children under 3 or 4 from their parents is monstrous;

She’s really going for it, and I love her.

And then if things are STILL tied, both players will receive a full disadulation.

“Cottage”

It’s the bad smoky eye and the squinting.

Egg?

Who?

The trick to moist turkey breast is to cook the bird upside down (breast down) for the first 75% of the cooking time, then flip it back over breast up for the last hour or so to allow the skin to brown. That way gravity makes all the juices s stay in the breast instead of running out the back. Rubbing 2 sticks of…

Gin.