If all of the players unretired tomorrow, Suzyn Waldman’s head would explode.

If you can’t masturbate in a bar at 9:15AM in Vegas then where can you masturbate in a bar at 9:15AM at?

Thank you for acknowledging that I made a joke

I realize that this is mostly in jest, but apparently the CBA allows him to become a free agent after this season regardless of if he plays a game or not due to his veteran status. There have been so many conflicting reports out there, especially given the fact that the CBA is open to the public (so you would think a…

Big Ben: On closer inspection, these are loafers.

So many people do not understand the risk he takes by playing without having that longterm guaranteed money. The hundreds of people commenting on his posts about how he screwed them because they drafted him with their 1st round fantasy football pick is frankly disgusting. Who gives a shit that you drafted the guy, if…

Antonio Brown: Hey Ben, you see Lev’s new tweets? [hands Big Ben iPhone]

in fairness, a hand injury ended that guy’s career

Laura, it seems like you don’t really believe in this 31 year-old middling minor leaguer.

I like to think that Mourinho is daring Deadspin to post a sex video of him.

I assume “Leo” is short for “Locutus.”

He thought it would because he’s stupid

Ben is a Deadpin reader who likes chess.

Vanderbilt Commode-ors

It must be some Lehigh vs. Villanova, philly cheesesteak-level beef.

Don’t mess with teenage girls from Alabama.

New York could use a second team

When you can take this “distinction” in a week that Nathan Peterman started you really done fucked up.

The nostalgia was way better back in my day.