Watching Blooper haul ass after a rejoicing Machado might be the best baseball thing I’ll see all season.

I trust Dolan when he says something looks like a troll.

A stone’s throw away from Monk.

So Bassini is the old couple from Glengarry Glen Ross that just likes talking to salesmen? 

f: getting hit by a bus : being at the top of a Deadspin list

+20,000

The irony is, Durant’s looking forward to a multi-year vacation in New York, and he’s playing the hardest out of anyone out there. 

+something, I dunno, whatever, man

EVERYONE KNOWS YOU DON’T CALL A PENALTY IN THE PLAYOFFS UNLESS THERE’S DISMEMBERMENT

The edging defense.

That adrenaline-fueled overthrow is as forgivable as it was hilarious. 

I had something for this, and then I forgot what I was going to say.

Mason-Dixon is outdated. I believe it's the IHOP/Waffle House line now.

Not surprised. If he’s gonna start apologizing for noxious discharge now, then he’s gonna have to apologize for his entire career. 

You may now resume your rejoicing, because we know that’s exactly who you are.

It feels really, really odd siding with Florida Men.

Amateur.

A plus-one’s plus-one

He also sounds like a gigantic loser, so the Bills tenure checks out.

I get it, man. Waiting on lab results is a harrowing experience.