“A lot of this is the fact that Obama was an ineffective president.”

Well she is the 1%, so...

“You have dealt with an unbelievable slanted and negative media and have come out beautifully” sounds 0% like something Bill Belichick would say, and 100% like something Donald Trump would say while reading a blank page he is pretending is a letter from Bill Belichick.

I’d have gone with The Beastie Boys, though that’s maybe a little too obvious.

As he glowered at the larger plane

I only do that sort of thing for the Saturday afternoon mass, never for Easter Sunday. I’m not a monster.

I agree. Convict Art Briles.

I’m actually pretty impressed with this. Usually the teens are fucking idiotic

We’re all going to have goddamn portrait-hung TV’s in the future because fucking teenagers can’t film anything in landscape.

The Saints secondary has been doing this for years.

Chief of Police William McManus is withholding comment until investigators can establish if the salsa came from New York City.

Was the shit spread out on the bread, or was it an unbroken log? If it’s an unbroken log, then why even go with the 2 pieces of bread instead of a bun? Madness. You wouldn’t eat a hot dog that way.

From my coworker Jordan Sargent:

Whatever happened to cutting a hole in a vegetable or gourd of some sort, microwaving it for a couple of seconds, and fucking it?

“Bill Murray, who for some reason the Cubs and Fox allowed to run wild at his own discretion”

Ummmm...

We’re definitely not going to need to add Eddie Vedder to that movie.

When did you lose your soul and become allergic to fun?

You should probably just have left it at “I don’t follow baseball that closely.”