People go on about The Simpsons predicting Trump Prez but no one’s giving any credit to Irvin Kershner or Lawrence Kasdan for predicting my exact reaction to this news 40 years ago.

Someone with more energy than me needs to go back through the episodes and do a kiss-count to see who those correspond to. Was number 2 Josh-in-the-milk-fridge? And four and five Jordan?

“Dad can I borrow your keys?”

The Golden Dragons were a very accurate portrayal of junior sport. I excelled at netball as a young child, simply because I was the only person on the team who actually paid attention to the game.

*sigh* I could’ve gone on to great things too if they’d just let me continue playing in the under-10s but those fascists…

I’m sadly not the representative of All Jews Everywhere

“NRA spokesperson Dana Loesch”

Louise is 100% going to grow up to be Veronica Mars.

[Reading the Billboard list] “Ugh, what a terrible year for music.”

Nah, it’s an old car. My dad drove a Fremulon back in the 60s. Good car, reliable, good mileage. Had a lot of fun with that Fremulon.

Wait, you mean you and your former colleagues don’t spend countless hours on your hands and knees carefully brushing away dirt to avoid damaging any artifacts just so that they can then be broken by dumbasses looking for souvenirs of their trip to the museum? Boy have I ever had archaeologists wrong.

From now on I’m only dialling 912 in an emergency.

About 2/3s of the way through Hyperion by Dan Simmons. At this point, my only concern is that - knowing it’s got follow-up books and that there are still three characters yet to give their backstory - I won’t get a satisfying resolution to the narrative arc in which I’m now fully invested. There just don’t seem to be…

Welp. There goes my desire to eat for the rest of the month. Thanks, Mitchell!

I once saw a couple’s wedding photos. Instead of a cake, they’d had pizza. Shaped like lovehearts. With peas on it.

That went a bit further than friendship.

They’re going to have to update the theme song a little. Aint no one watching the Disney Channel that knows what a beeper is.

The mole rat will be CGI.

Bonus points if the victim is watching Scream!

the animal CGI seems destined to age poorly.

Of course, the film had been streaming for free on Google Plus for weeks at that point, so it’s not entirely clear why the theatrical engagement happened in the first place.