Does masturbation count as sex?

And then you share it on your twitter account and people will react to it, thus generating another blog post. It’s brilliant!

At last! The gritty reboot your nostalgia has been yearning for! I look forward to thePG-13 rating that says “this is a movie for adults” without sacrificing ticket sales to children and teens.

How could you not mention the best part of the Deadpool trailer - the summary of The Old Man and the Sea at the end? Shades of Monty Python.

Fox aired a Bob’s Burgers holiday episode at an approprate time of the year? 2017 IS the craziest year that’s ever been.

I’d read that.

I don’t know that Tina is... academic enough to be a nerd (don’t let the glasses fool you). She’s more of a dork.

This month’s Cosmo quiz: Which Bin Laden Porn ROM are YOU Most Like?

Anyone wishing to prep for O.K. Connery can watch the MST3K episode on it, where it was called ‘Operation Double 007' - Season 8, Episode 5.

We’re just calling it ‘Trump’.

Incredible, Dancer in the Dark is now even more depressing to watch. I didn’t think it was possible but here we are.

All the experts tell me, and I know, I went to Wharton so we’re very good at floating in my family, always have been, people are always telling me that, great at floating, the best.

Oh wow, is already time for another six months of being pre-empted by football followed by one month of double episodes? And what misbegotten attempt at capturing animated lightning in a bottle will be getting the primo timeslot over Bob’s Burgers this year?

Is it too late to settle all this with a Worst Hair competition?

I like honeydew.

The first time I tried to watch Bladerunner I found it long, slow and boring [insert sex joke here] and ended up doing so much else to keep myself occupied while it was on that I honestly could not have described a single scene of the film by the end. This came up months later when I was having a conversation about…

My friend’s yellow labrador tries to hump my sneakers whenever I wear them around him. I’d like to congratulate Bojack Horseman for making that situation even more uncomfortable for me in future.

I wouldn’t have thought a cartoon horsewoman being lobotomised could be so... I’m gonna need to find some appropriate synonyms for this before this season is out... so emotionally devastating. And yet, here we are. A wonderful performance from Krakowski gradually chipping away at the sunny veneer of the 40s/50s milieu…

They specified ‘funny’, not ‘emotionally devastating’, I would have accepted “Oh my god, I just realised! You were the other kid on Horsin’ Around! Thaaaat’s why you’ve been following us all day!”

“Filed to: Lynching”