at least "mpreg" saves a few syllables

a monkey: Rheesus

"i will gladly purchase the Horrifying new xbox for each room in my home and expose my nude body to its mandatory camera daily for mcdonalds points"

Then how can you explain that one time I saw an employee busting through the wall of a mcdonald's while running on top of a giant rolling barrel labeled "beak waste", over the horizon, gone forever?

"The Pines are also home to tales of an escaped Russian hit man who still roams the night and subsists on ketchup and relish packets."

Then what am I supposed to call Sandman? "Marvel Comics' Finely Divided Rock and Mineral Character"?

Can I instead think of it as cool fanart for the book and keep pretending the movie was never made?

"post-rock"? Isn't that when you get stones in the mail?

I'd like to see someone credited as "Stand-In Ass" on their imdb page.

I can't wait to see the video that will inevitably surface of her having a Hank Schrader-esque meltdown when someone gets her Freetos instead of Doritos.

It's weird, you can ironically like the movies but genuinely appreciate the effort.

Funnily enough, in Hungarian "fass" means dick. So….

What about Josh McCown's weird anti-porn PSA? I'd like to see his reaction to that.

[something about Golden Globes]

"Welcome to Tumblr. Are you a 16-year-old, a social justice blogger, or a gay wolf?"

What about, "10 years ago, we had Bob Hope, Steve Jobs, and Johnny Cash. Now we have no hope, no jobs, and no cash"? How long until that sounds trite and hackneyed?

I think this happens often — when a band does soundtrack work and albums of their own, people usually get into the group's music only when they hear the former. Of course, soundtrack work is normally done for shows/movies that are more well-known than the group itself, so it's understandable that soundtrack-writing…

Felipe Rios: the most based quarterback in the playoffs?

""Mr Bush, do you want my coke?""Yeah sure" *Bush drinks coke as kid walks away*"Hey kid…catch" *kid turns around to see incoming plane*"

"a very nude, very fat pink man rolling down the corridors of an ancient temple, gathering dust and dirt like breadcrumbs on a chicken cutlet"