Fork me, great tweet. I just shirt my pants.

Jameela is absolutely right and I’m glad someone with a platform is calling this shit out.

It has to suck being the future King because you really don’t get to be anybody except what everybody else expects and tells you.

I bet he has some resentment of his brother’s ability to do what makes him happiest for most of the time outside official duties.

“Just now” is the immediate past; a few seconds, maybe a minute or two. “Right now” is NOW, and “about now” is an approximation, usually of an anticipated event.

And how long a minute is, it depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on :)

A thing I really appreciate about the group of friends I’ve made over the years is that we’re all predictable when it comes to timeliness. There are three categories of behavior:
a. folk who are 5 min early / precisely on time.
b. folk who are usually 5-10 min late, but can tell you with precision how far away they are.…

Pretty sure he was just high.

Because cheesecake is a pie, it is indisputable that pie is greater than cake. 

For me, Thanksgiving consisted of waiting for my wife to get drunk and pass out. I always hoped this happened before dinner so she would already be home and I wouldn’t have to pick her up and stuff her in the car. Three years ago I had to pick her up off the parking lot in front of Trader Joe’s. 

Yeah August

My grandmother always insisted on hosting Thanksgiving despite hating cooking and refusing to let anyone help in the kitchen. The year she “discovered” Stove Top and instant mashed potatoes, we thought we’d finally have as nice a meal as was going to happen in this family. Except the turkey just wouldn’t cook through…

Lol at least your brother sounds like a good egg though

Thanksgiving has always been the best holiday for me, Mom and Dad. Even though it was just the three of us, Mom would insist on making a 23-25 lb turkey (they REALLY like leftovers).

I lost my daughter to suicide two years ago. Please be gentle with yourself and please reach out for help.

I spent one Thanksgiving week as a teenager making out with the best friend of one of my cousins, who was staying with them because her parents were going through a nasty divorce. This branch of my family is really religious and conservative, and during dinner, my aunt launches into a rant about how important it is…

Okay, this is going to be wordy so settle in.

Turning negativity into a fun game. Well done, very well done.

My parents who are awful and emotionally abusive invited themselves to stay at my house a week for Thanksgiving. Luckily I was able to cope by guessing what they were going to complain about and turning it into a game of insult bingo with my brother and husband. That way, when they insulted me, I was excited to fill…

Moral Philosophers throughout history:

“I came up with the name myself, as I’m great at marketing.”