The mooch only likes babies that weren’t born prematurely.

Taken directly from their website:

My current gf’s Fiat 500. We live in Wisconsin. I can’t imagine a less practical car for Wisconsin winter. Furthermore, I’m a big guy, and I cannot find a way to get comfortable in that thing. That car was made for skinny European hipsters and has no place on the interstates of Middle America.

How will southern rednecks get rid of their pig-babies if they outlaw abortion? The south will become overrun with chicken-babies and pig-babies.

Frankie: “You don’t like the van?”
Jerry: “No, no, no. Just hypothetically.”
Frankie: “I gotta go to the park.”
Jerry: “No! No, you don’t! No woods. I love the van. I’m a van guy.”

Maybe if they cleaned up their garbage property they wouldn’t attract the bears in the first place.

So the system is rigged against him? Well, at least Donald has one thing in common with Black Americans.

So lessees will get to return vehicles and cancel leases no questions asked, and also receive restitution? I think they said it would be half of those that bought similar vehicles? Where can we get better info about what restitution will be for lessees? There doesn’t seem to be a calculation for that.

“a man who is actually three bigoted baby Muppets stacked on top of one another”

I certainly wouldn’t trust a tow truck driver in cargo shorts and sandals.

It's at most the second coolest place in town. There's nothing cooler than unlimited breadsticks, so Olive Garden is coolest by default.

“This has nothing to do with my inchoate six-year-old crush on Danny Zuko, which developed into a full-blown lust as soon as I was old enough”

Seems like a precursor to Friedman and Roseman’s work in the 50s linking heart disease to a personality type they described as “type A personality.” Yeah, that's where the type a/type b thing comes from.

I use an old iPhone as my Uber phone when I drive for Uber. I used 3M command strips to fix it to the dash, and it works perfectly. I can leave the app up and use my other phone for contacting passengers, or random internet browsing between trips.

If you own an unmanned aerial vehicle and don’t do this with it this weekend you should be forced to return it.

We had a pretty exceptional lunch break with the Kittens today. They brought volunteers from the local cat adoption agency, and they gave us information about adoption. One of my coworker filled out an application and hopes to adopt one of the little guys.

Parker Jotter GT. I prefer in blue ink. I order them by the ten pack. There’s something about that click I like, favoring it over twist or capped pens. I work in sales, and use it to point things out on presentations. It is a sharp looking pen, and the gold clip just looks nice hanging outside a shirt pocket. It’s a…

Parker Jotter GT. I prefer in blue ink. I order them by the ten pack. There’s something about that click I like,…

Anyone else more offended by that damn kid screaming than the porn soundtrack?

Walk into a Verizon store. All the workers will be wearing them, and try to convince you to buy them. They look ridiculous.

Who knew the internet had such a thriving dingus* population?