I feel you. Whenever I gain the slightest amount of weight, it goes immediately to my cheeks, and a chubby face NEVER photographs well, particularly if you smile and all that cheek fat bunches up and conspires to obliterate your eyes. I’m a bit of a tubbo at the moment, and, as such, I don’t even recognize myself in…

half-fermented bezoar

Lindy West once wrote this about Trump, way back when he was just arguing with Rosie O’Donnell over which was better, The View or Celebrity Apprentice. I cut and pasted it and kept it in a word document on my desktop so I could read it whenever I needed a pick-me-up. I never imagined, based on this description 5-6…

An illustrated coffee table book of these could probably raise mad funds.

You’re welcome.

A new superfood made of finely-ground clown wigs

Seriously. He sounds very involved, it seems they stay with him regularly. My kid sees his dad once a year for a week. Just, she needs to shut up.

Will Arnett has always given me very strong “Take your drink with you” vibes.

I wanna see a book like this from someone who knows what it’s like to have this morning:

Is Bernie going to be living in a tent near the White House if Hillary becomes president, giving speeches whenever she does, trailing behind her motorcade on a Vespa, etc.?

The Pope must feel so #blessed.

Yep. No one wants to believe that these people could exist in their own backyard so they create these stereotypes about what they should look like (very obviously creepy) and who they should be (the powerful elite) but for every person who thinks someone with good looks, charitable reputation, fame, power and/or money…

Aide: Sir, Mr. Ludicrous has informed the university via all of his songs and this list of items that he would like to fuck, as safely as reasonably possible, but also in some pretty freaky-deaky ways as I understand it.

never question the heart unless the heart sneaks out at night and you think the heart is lighting off fireworks in the alley with those bezler twins from down the way. then you question the heart and you get to the goddamned bottom of this.

that is exactly what i mean

is skeeviness grounds for divorce? cokebloat? guyliner?

THE AUSTRALIAN PEOPLE AND THEY’RE SACRIFICING THE DOGS TO THE KANGAROO MAFIA.

NO PRENUP!!

Is she married to Tevye from “fiddler on the Roof”?

“Fermented peepee”