I have a vest. If I had my arms cut off, it would be a jacket. — Mitch Hedberg, RIP

Trains at Minute Maid Park, fireworks everywhere, some monstrosity in Miami, but bubbles? GTFO!

100%, if the horseshoe had more or fewer nails in it, there would be more or fewer things that "represent qualities we want in a player."

In the first few months of Twitter I thought I'd be really clever and I started a "FauxSportsGuy" handle and tweeted like a more stupid Billy Boy. Except I tweeted them all @ him. Blocked in like 5 minutes.

Cespedes is forced to leave the A's. He finally now knows what it's like to live in an unfair system.

Steve Physioc only said that because he was trying to save Rex Hudler embarrassment.

They left off some nicknames: Rat, Snitch, Stoolie....

Yeah, but if Moustakis had been trying to steal short-left field he would have been hosed.

More like O'Queef

Drew, were you nervous to be seen by tens of people?

After today's game the Dodgers fly to Detroit. Puig is driving since he wants to get there early, do some sightseeing.

So Chestnut got engaged right before the contest? Guess he won't be the only one swallowing wieners today.

Where was Tim Howard the night my wife conceived?

Good thing Chris Perez didn't "help"....he would've tossed gasoline on it.

That was not a rare West Coast hurricane....that was every single Los Angeles cop breathing a sigh of relief at the same time.

I live about 30 miles east of L.A. Time/Warner is not available in my neighborhood. I would happily pay for it if I could. Since I can't, I happily watch the pirated feed (it sucks). Verizon sent me a very nice e-mail with my options, which included subscribing to MLB-TV and watching the game 90 minutes AFTER the…

"Even if he had scored, it would have killed the rally." — Steve Lyons

To clarify, then, the sideways smiley should go after my reply to myself, and not on my original, actually and truly serious, question.

Thanks, because it actually was a serious question

Oh wait: I do! Thanks Obama!