The Code 45* machine is broken (and the operator’s not in very good shape either). It said something about “racism” and “priorities” and “so fucked up”, then just started wheezing and smoking before spitting out this mess: 

“The United States will be immediately implementing much tougher Extreme Vetting Procedures. The safety of our citizens comes first!”

Also, why do Trump and the Repubs seem to hate the idea of giving the suspect a fair trial? They were saying he should be labelled an enemy combatant, denied his Miranda rights, and shipped off to Gitmo. Are they actually worried that prosecutors could not convict in a fair trial? I expect there’s a mountain of…

Man, if I was a DC journalist I would be trolling him so hard on that.

“So as you can see, this bill wil-”
“Which bill, Mr Speaker...?”
“The, uh,cut, cut...” /sigh/ “...cut bill.”

Yes. “White guy with a gun” = ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I think everything this administration is straight-up trolling at this point.

“Oh, you have tiny hands! I like so much when man have so tiny hands! Is sexy!”

T-Rex: I moved on her, actually. You know, she was down on the White House lawn. I moved on her, and I failed. I’ll admit it.

You will not be forgotten, Indiana Cotton Hill.

The orange tumor isn’t even trying to hide anything, so today’s Code 45* is presented without superfluous commentary:

“....Also, there is NO COLLUSION”

My apologies in advance for the caps

He can’t spell corksucker? What a fargin icehole!

Oh LA get ready to find your safe spaces! What am I? Well if you’re a conservative, I’m American AF. If you’re a lib, I’m “offensive.” Let’s go.

Either that helmet is made for a child, or that guy’s been drinking Ken Griffey Jr’s Brain & Nerve Tonic.

The addition of the suit wearing intellectual alt-right is pulling in the closet white nationalists who aren’t necessarily about the hoods and swastikas.

Restaurants offering unsweetened tea.

Waffle House induced heart attacks.