He’ll show those Russians...

Never met with Russians

“See, we ran your tags and they came back totally clean, and you’re Black, so we just HAD to solve the mystery!”

curse you and your logic lol

‘the president is a steam locomotive’

Locomotives Made of Gorillas is my new band name.

I’m surprised Gorka didn’t say, “And you’re gay!”

Someone should just create an interview bot to fill in for Kellyanne Conway and the not quite a Nazi, but wishes he were guy. Gorka’s could just repeat variations of “Donald Trump is an alpha male. I am an alpha male. Our penises are like locomotives made of gorillas”. It would save everyone a lot of time and energy.

“I said, did you do it? And he said no, I did not. Absolutely not. I then asked him a second time in a totally different way. He said absolutely not.”

‘it looks like it’s suddenly reversed course.’

[Sergeant] Detritus was particularly good when it came to asking questions. He had three basic ones. They were the direct (“Did you do it?”), the persistent (“Are you sure it wasn’t you that done it?”), and the subtle (“It was you what done it, wasn’t it?”). Although they were not the most cunning questions ever…

I can never tell what direction his hair is racing in, but it looks like it’s suddenly reversed course.

“I said, did you do it? And he said no, I did not. Absolutely not. I then asked him a second time in a totally different way. He said absolutely not.”

“The W.H. is functioning perfectly” sounds like a deceptive Craigslist ad for a used 1973 Ford Pinto.

I like to imagine him hitting “send”, leaning back smugly in his chair thinking “That’ll show ‘em! Dad’s gonna be so proud of me!”, then someone runs into the room shouting “DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU’VE DONE??”

Let this be a lesson to all of us that our shit is not nearly as important or dire as it seems to us in the moment.

Followed by a very busy session of chocolate cake eating.