Some say he can predict a reality stars future...

How about malk?

If I had a dollar for every time my mother used duct tape and chloroform on me as a child I’d have...

Smell my finger. Does it smell like ass?

Sure let’s rush a bunch of cheap untested drugs into the market. Can’t wait to see the commercials in a few years.

You’re right. Most nowadays are 15-20 minutes.

“Bomp bomp”

I hear he once watched a 90 minute porn movie in 35 seconds.

It’s what’s known as the miracle of Saint Viagara.

I’m a grown man. I’ve lived on my own 25+ years. I still don’t sit with my shoes on the couch. I can still hear my mom yell at me “NO SHOES ON THE COUCH!”

You mean Ontario California airport. There is no Toronto California airport. See, it even confused you.

My girlfriend has a Boston terrier that kills groundhogs for fun. The baby one he can finish off with a couple of quick head shakes. He caught an adult once. The thing probably weighed about 10 lbs. After fighting with the thing for a few minutes he managed to grab it by the neck. It was too heavy to pick up and snap…

Or $1500 for an American made iPhone.

Erdinger is one of the best beers I’ve ever had in my life.

I made $1,523 and bought a brand new BMW last week. George Soros paid me for protesting at a town hall. If you want to make good money working only 10 hours a week ask me how.

So he’s Towelie?

Crash a wedding? Is Trump Vince Vaughn or Owen Wilson?

Has anybody checked to see if any of the waiters or busboys speak Russin/Chinese/Korean? Has there been any extreme vetting of the waitstaff?