"$500 for a beehive? I dramatically overpaid."

As a Cardinal, McGwire took steroids the right way, the classy way, unlike those big city glory hounds Sammy Sosa and Barry Bonds.

World Series rings are obviously the most important consideration out there. That's why I'm lobbying for Nick Punto and Marco Scutaro for the Hall. So scrappy. So utility infielder-y.

I hope Jeter followed that up by Ollie-ing on the co-worker's tits.

The only law simulator I care about is Discovery Motion Drafter 2014, followed closely by Pretrial Simulator and the always solid ABA 2K14.

Good thing it's a PSN game. It is the holiday season and if it were physical-only, stores might run out and we'd have a Doki Doki Panic.

I'm glad Adrian Peterson beasting the last couple games has pushed the Vikings from "bad offense" to "at least they're on the right side of the y-axis now" offense.

USE THIS WEIRD OLD TRICK TO EXTEND YOUR LIFE THIRTY-FOLD.

I hope a same-sex couple invites Tebow to their wedding.

Roll DIED

Is that Mr. Peanut's hillbilly cousin?

You can buy Hall of Fame votes? Now we know why A-Rod is fighting so hard for his salary.

Headline from July 2014: Lakers Out in Lebron Sweepstakes; Bryant Blames Kupchak for Lack of Salary Cap Space, Pau Gasol for Everything Else.

I can't wait for this upcoming press release from Id:

Wait until you see Rick Reilly's hilarious companion piece entitled "Qatar? I Hardly Knew Her!"

Kinja'd.

Obligatory Wrestlemania XX promo graphic

So what am I supposed to do? Call the Men in Black?

I'm still sad Super Nintendo Chalmers never caught on as a nickname with him aside from someone at ESPN (I think Ryen Russillo) using it a couple times.

Something something Schiano Man. Something Richie Incognito. Dick joke.