Of course they're gay. Why else would Rainbow Road always be a Mario Kart track? And don't even get me started on the secret symbolism behind Fire Flowers, not to mention the satanic Star Road.

If the NCAA allowed Lebron and Durant to compete in March Madness as a two-man team (let's make them a 12 seed so they knock out some unremarkable 20-10 Big Ten team), 1) How far could they go in the tournament; 2) How many self-righteous columnists would complain about the integrity of the game or some crap like that?

David Hayter's involved? Well, that means Ocelot will be behind everything. AGAIN.

The best part of any of these Hernandez conferences are the questions like "do you feel betrayed/disappointed/duped?" What is Belichick going to say? "We were pretty sure he'd end up killing a few people, but we decided to roll the dice on a high-ceiling talent."

+1. Beat me to it.

The nuclear option is the way to go. Delete them from your PSN/XBLA friend list. Burn that Animal Crossing house to the ground. Condemn their Mii to the dust heap of history.

What can Braun do for you? Nothing until 2014

Sheed Hawks and Piazza Marlins are kind of holy grails for rare jersey collectors, so it's not a surprise the two searches are related. I've always wanted to see someone with a complete set of Vin Baker jerseys.

Worst Fake Controversy:

Captain Ahab could run a ship, but no matter how hard he tried, he was awful in social situations. Good friends were a real white whale of his.

If you were telekinetic, how often would you use that power to masturbate without actually touching yourself?

"Whatever."

They might as well be merged with the ESPYs, considering Justin Fargas is both an NFL running back and the son of the guy who played Huggy Bear.

Flair has been in wrestling so long that he instinctively bladed when the court threw the book at him.

Someone needs to remix this with the Mortal Kombat theme.

Just great. Now all these steroid users are going to get big heads from hearing how entertaining they all were.

This wouldn't have been an issue if My Favorite Burger hadn't blown like half of its budget by using Kobe beef in its burgers.

This is the best in Austrian dirt bike racing? What a bunch of Wieners.

Hornswoggle

Puma will probably regret phrasing their statements that they wanted to distance themselves from Hernandez as "we need some Lebensraum from him."