Things during the traffic stop went downhill after Arenas told police it was OK to have the fireworks as he was transporting them for his friend in the CIA known only as Agent Zero.

In the meantime, people wearing denim will be restricted to a special area of the country club colloquially known as the "jean pool."

*Vince McMahon walks underneath the window and gets sprayed with champagne*

This year, prior to the draft, the Globetrotters front office heard Jay Bilas talking about important length is, so they went ahead and drafted Greg Oden's dong.

+1 league entry fee wasted

Phew. If he'd ended up getting suspended for this, the Jaguars might have seen their home attendance numbers drop from the healthy double digits they usually get.

At least these people are just taking up space instead of being actively annoying. I'm looking at you Talking on a Cell Phone While Waving at the Camera Behind Home Plate Guy.

Hey, if Nintendo ends up blocking you from ad revenue, you can always go play Amnesia or Slender. The world needs more LPs of those games, especially if you use a scare cam.

The note says:

Until he pulls off the same stunt in one of those fancy shmancy ice fishing tournaments in Minneapolis or Winnipeg, he'll just be a piker in my eyes.

Deadspin staff cage match in which you can only win by escaping the cage-who wins?

Fans are going to get really tired of hearing the James Bond theme inside the stadium every time they open the roof.

Impressed with his passion for the game, the Dodgers immediately signed the kid to a 5-year, $75 million contract.

"You sit there and you thump your desk, and you talk about LeBron, and it didn't get you anywhere! Talk about your Spurs. Talk about Bosh going 3-16. Well Simmons 3:16 says I just made a 'Dwyane Wade goes to Germany' joke!"

Things for which North Dakota has made the news in 2013:

I love that Gabe CC'd his friends on the e-mail. They just HAD to see that sick burn he dropped on Deadspin.

"The San Antonio Spurs picked Tim Duncan on June 25, 1997, more or less 161 years after San Antonio saw the Battle of the Alamo. Even the Spurs' success with Duncan has not washed away the memory of that day from San Antonio residents' minds."

I'm pretty sure Sheed retired at the end of this season, so once Juwan Howard retires (and we reach the end of the Fab Five era as well), we'll only have Kurt Thomas, Stackhouse, and KG from that NBA Live '96 group co-holding the longest tenure title.

I care about this story for one reason: Ryan Braun is on my fantasy team and getting suspended for 100 games could crater my season.

How can you be the biggest fan out there of a guy if you can't even spell his name?