The sun is by far the hottiest planet in the universe and would burn if...burn you...if you tried to eat it. Oh I’m sorry, I seem to have some of my old high school notes mixed up here.

Seriously. What’s the world coming to when you can’t just cater to your unfounded fears with the ultimate goal of creating further division and animosity? Sheesh.

I’m just glad for him that he landed inside the arena.

CGI is so good these days.

You should probably let the Eagles players know that they let you down.

When I grow up, I want to be a Verizon cell tower.

Somehow you’re both right.

The bill also has a rider that requires fire departments to use gasoline instead of water.

Meet the Phillies - they’re nut very good!

Big Foot clearly using its lobbying power to get a higher ranking than it deserves.

Football is quickly becoming the Donald Trump of sports. It’s getting harder and harder to justify its popularity.

I don’t know about all of this. I’m a skinny guy with an awkward build. My body doesn’t look terrible, but I won’t kid myself that it looks good either. I certainly won’t be appearing in underwear ads anytime soon. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have self-worth because, afterall, how much should looks matter? But…