And despite your corporate overlords telling you to stick to sports, I hope Deadspin never does because

and I can’t emphasize this enough

I come to Deadspin BECAUSE YOU DON’T JUST STICK TO SPORTS

More Markus fun facts:

The NFL is a meat grinder of a league, where careers are short and every single player is a replaceable cog whose chief value to their team comes during their rookie contracts and franchise-tag seasons, before they either have to be paid fairly for their labor or cast off in favor of the next cheap 22-year-old.

i picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue

Shouldn’t have had the fish...

That’s just your opinion, man. And you know what they say about opinions:

Cop finally comes and brings them out the gym to talk like it was an elementary school fight. You could tell he was blown cause his time was wasted

+ Uno

The pizza dominoes quickly started to fall:

Octopii are one of the most intelligent creatures on the planet and are actually required to be put under anesthesia if a procedure is needed to be done on them, because they are believed to have an understanding of what is happening to them.  If kept in captivity, they need to be in specialized tanks because they…

The best part is when she fell through the ceiling. 

Word.

Jesus Christ, did anyone else travel on I65 through Alabama this spring break. What the actual FUCK? It was a parking lot. THE ENTIRE STATE WAS A PARKING LOT. My kids had a DVD player, and tons of activities to do and I swear to God they said they were bored like 1000 times. You know what I did when i was there age.…

My friends House and J-Bug. That’s who. It’s like that episode of The Wire where Avon and Stringer were arguing about the game and life on the streets...

HMMMMMM

What is this?

You need to see the play, he tackled crown first, he wasn’t doing his job exactly how it’s supposed to be done. Keep in mind I’m a huge OSU fan and have watched Shazier since college and have been a big fan. He didn’t follow fundamentals and it cost him dearly. I don’t pray but I really hope he recovers and can walk…

For some of the Peralta Community College students, this might have been their only chance to get A’s.

if anyone wants to make one of their own, here’s a template.