I think drinking just turns you into an amplified version of your actual self. So, if deep down you’re a dick, you become a larger, more obvious dick. If you’re a sweety pie on the inside, you turn into a hyper vulnerable, public super-sweety pie. But you know... not always in a good way.

Years ago, before this scandal, I heard an interview with Bill Cosby wherein he was asked to give men some marriage advice. His response was, “Always remember that you are not really a husband. In many ways, you are just your wife’s oldest child.”

“Anyone truly guilty of abusing minors or drugging others of any age and raping them should be prosecuted,” etc....

Wow, where do you live? Because yes, cats do share territory with foxes pretty much everywhere.

My cat would have just shrugged and gone back to sleep. Because kitties.

It’s not just mathematicians. I teach English, and every day I wish I had a chalkboard in my classroom. When I do, I use the shit out of it. They’re easy to read, and everyone likes them. Before you call me a Luddite, let me reassure you that I am a pretty high-tech teacher who knows how to use a wide variety of funky…

I remember hearing that bleaching during the developing process meant the studio refused to ensure the negative, so David O. Russell was basically on the hook for $10 million if he fucked it up. I like to think that fear contributes to the overall feel of the film. That, plus the threat of George Clooney kicking his…

Read the book. Even better than the film.

I have a huge mane of naturally curly hair. I cannot go into Subway because that smell, that Subway smell, gets in my hair and will. not. come. out. until I wash my hair, which is not even close to every day, because curly hair is this whole thing you wouldn’t understand, so don’t even tell me it’s not that bad. It…

This is exactly how I figured it out, except I just unrolled the cylinder in my head because the picture looked like a toilet paper tube. I remembered Pythagoras’ theorem from high school, so I used that. I did have to ask my calculator the square root of 400, because at that point I was tired, since this is the most…

The answer is 20cm.

I work in higher education. Before that, I worked in the private and non-profit sectors, and even had a stint doing civil service for the military. Hands down, the most insane “soft” sexism is definitely in education. Give me a balls-out man beast who tries to grab my tits any day over the subtle bullshit, the…

Oh my god, you kids.

Dear America:
Jeremy Clarkson is an talentless, racist, right-wing cunt. Only UKIP-supporting assholes think he's funny back home. Stop assigning him, and everyone with a "traditional" British accent/appearance, automatic genius wit status which they have not earned. You are not helping.
Love,
Prince Charles (probably)

I took the AP History test in high school and got a perfect score of 5. My teacher was super mad at me because I hadn't studied and I was a little bitch in class all year. Showed up late, made snarky comments because she was a Republican, etc. I was also the only person in her class who managed to score that high. I…

Forget chopsticks. Can we have a conversation about how only 3% of Americans know how to use a knife and fork properly? Drives me nuts.

Evidence based? Not absolutist? Kettle? Pot?

Everything is so terrible for her. I... I just have so much pity for Lena, you know? It sucks being born into unimaginable privilege and having people listen to you and reward your piss-poor efforts your whole life. It sucks so hard. I really hope she's having a good MLK Day, because his struggle is something she…

The real takeaway here is that Ayn Rand was a shitty writer in public and in private. Good lord, what a repetitive, dull letter. Rand's pen was made of turds. I hate her so fucking much, you guys.

Ugh. This does not help me with my current marital/best friend crisis. Anybody got a silver dollar I can toss?