“I for one would like it if people stopped thinking about my safety.”

I look forward to the day when the rulebook takes four pages to define a clap. 

Hey Kelley, how’s the dog?  HOW’S THE DOG, KELLEY?!?!

Of course not. You can’t put a price on the safety of your family.

This is why I don’t own a private plane. Far too dangerous.

The ITU cited a rule that penalizes athletes who cook up a “contrived tie situation,”

FIBA World Cup? Looks more like the feeble world cup team [bonked in head by errant Mason Plumlee shot]

I actually think he would have been a perfect fit for the Knicks, because he isn’t a very good basketball player.

I couldn’t help but read this as a basketball starting 5. In which case I definitely like having Buddha coming off of the bench. Seems like he’d have the temperament to be the quintessential 6th man.

I feel like that whole “No depictions of him ever or woe unto you” thing probably hurts Muhammad in the fame department vs. Jesus who, say what you will, knew how to brand.

My top 5:

Say what you will about Nick Foles, but he will never have this issue.

it’s a small little bone.

Small Little Bone was the worst rapper in Bone-Thugs-N-Harmony don’t @ me. 

If he punts and kicks, he would be highly valuable simply for the roster spot he saves

“Did somebody say ‘toast’?” - Rod Minegar, raising a glass

A team spokesperson noted that, for the Cardinals this season, Minegar’s was but the first of many wasted drives.

Kaare Vedvik? Daniel Carlson? The Vikings know they don’t have to pick actual vikings, right?

This is the old man I strive to become.  Has empathy, but not without enjoying the absurdity of life. Also I would like to own a hat

If you’re mad about this you are a garbage human being. Especially in a game already loaded with product placement and egregious microtransactions.