My only complaint with being both Irish and Mexican is that I burn in the summer and my younger brother turns golden brown. Life aint fair.

A whole lot of felgercarb, if you ask me.

A day getting hammered at the races on the cheap and then watching steel pulse after was a day very well spent.

The fine print states that Manny must pay full price if the sushi is ordered and not finished

That banner is like a clown’s handkerchief.

I was fortunate, I guess, to watch this game in 199o at Seattle Center Coliseum (now Key Arena). The highlight is when the fan rips a stick out of the air and starts clubbing back.

The assembled youth were especially committed to redistributing wealth from their parents to their landlords.

I hope you leave enough room for this star, because I’m going to ram it into your stomach and break your god damn spine.

Submitting Oz, for a contender. Someone at WCW actually thought the Wizard of Oz was good inspiration for a wrestler.

Let us not forget the brilliance of Oklahoma.

I have some pretty serious sinus problems -- every morning with the Neti pot is like the final scene in “Stranger Things” with the little slimy worm organism scooting its way down the drain.

Funny, I often heard the same thing about Piazza’s asshole.

Snot rockets in the shower are my thing. I swear I blew something sentient out the other day. It sat there on the floor of the tub for a minute, said “vaya con dios, amigo”, and disappeared down the drain. Now my foundation is cracked.

Here’s a great one: working on the car. Figure out how to change your oil (it’s not hard). You now have an all-day project, from driving to the store to buy oil and a filter, to futzing around under and around the car for a couple of hours because the missus doesn’t really know what you’re doing or how long it…

Irrelevant to your well-played joke, but when I first started working, I worked with a guy from Argentina. He was mentioning the restaurants he goes to and I asked him what were Argentina’s kind of standard dishes, like tacos and Mexico or poutine or backbacon and Canada, chicken tikka masala and the UK, etc.

Both are worthy fuckin’ adversaries.

My favorite Norm MacDonald appearance wasn’t stand up but this guest spot on early Conan O’Brien where he flat-out insults a movie starring co-Conan guest Courtney Thorne Smith and Carrot Top and it’s so funny and devastating that even she has to laugh. I’ve never forgotten this.

I know a gentleman who has put forth a... shall we say... modest proposal as a solution.

Its fucking awesome is what it is.