I would was my hands, and then dig my clean hands deep into my asshole....just to beat the system.

They really cut that boy? I would have given him a job, he had real talent and clearly the dedication as well.

Wait...where in the fuck is Kerry Kilos?

I vote to keep Kerry. Maybe his cartel can take out the "Work at home with Google" people.

somehow still posting - either from the ethereal semblant of existence on purgatory's threshold, or from the lingering warmth of the afterglow, kerry is still bringing that underground gangster shit. i owe it to the community. for those of you who would cast a stone at my glassy facade, know that you are only a single…

卐卐卐 Hᴇʟʟᴏ , ᴛʜɪs ɪs Hɪᴛʟᴇʀ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ғʀᴏᴍ ʙᴇʏᴏɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ɢʀᴀᴠᴇ. I ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʟᴇᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴍᴏᴅs ᴅᴏ ᴀ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴊᴏʙ ᴏғ ᴄᴀʀʀʏɪɴɢ ᴏɴ ᴍʏ ʙᴇʟɪᴇғs.

His posts always sound like a fever dream excerpt from a J. Peterman catalog.

Kerry's comments were a bright spot in an otherwise argumentative and rote Gizmodo comment section.

haterz gonna hate

God damn it, we should have known. Kilos was one of the few entertaining things on Gizmodo anymore, of course you had to ban him. What, was he taking up so much bandwidth that you "journalists" couldn't get your pinned Buzzfeed tabs to refresh quickly enough? Was he making you so angry you couldn't proofread?

I like him. It's quirky. It would be hilarious if it turned out this account was the true confessions of a Colombian drug lord.

Can you, like, ban the spammers? This guy is much better than the folks with the bitly links. At least he's human.

Your posts are beginning to be one of my favorite parts of gawker.

He is the resident non-sequitur writer.

I'm not really sure this is spam. However, I have no idea to possibly describe what it is. It's like when you're walking down the street and there's a homeless man just talking to himself. Except this homeless man is on EVERY street.

Until your lunch meeting, at which time a colleague of yours abruptly interrupted your undressing of the new office's intern, by dumping a full painter's bucket of the finest candycaine on your desk, which, after the foofoo dust had settled, had invariably catalyzed a massive erection and had thereby rendered your…

As I walked into the Club for the first time, my senses were encompassed by the atmosphere. The dark lighting and stained walnut woodwork glistening from fresh varnish gave the room a romantic allure that beckoned you further in. This coupled with the candle lit tables and soft saxophone tones emanating from the small…

Emiko's father, a stubborn man with a salt and pepper beard, liked to laugh at the Dos Equis commercials. When a man is so self made, he literally begins to reshape the borders of morality to fit his kingdom. What shade of black is a man's soul that would allow him to pimp his own daughter out to business cronies? …